Self-love

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Try to love yourself as much as you want someone else to.

 Status: good. procrastinating. Actually, I’m not procrastinating, it’s pain avoidance. I’m not sure where to start, so I lean on the default. It’s a new thing, so it’s difficult. It’s a new thing, which means I’m not very good at it. Combine all of those things together and the end result is something that I’m not enjoying very much. I’m focusing on the immediate when I should be playing the long game and focusing on completing the task, which includes learning the lessons I need to learn in order to be more competent on subsequent attempts. I think enjoyment will come from these iterative attempts, and increase as I get better at it.

I think I just had a bit of a lucid moment there. Don’t worry, it won’t happen again.

Ok, date this evening with the tattooed lady. Do I want to do this? Nope. Part of me hope she cancels. Spider sense tingling. I’ve said, “Fuck it” and just done it more times than I can count over the course of my life. I think I’ve reached my upper threshold of ‘Fuck its’. But, maybe just this last one……..

Nikon D3400
1/30 sec
f/3.5
18mm
ISO 400

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Letting Go

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Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything – anger, anxiety or possessions – we cannot be free.

Status: sitting at the keyboard sweating blood. The morning has just flown by and I’ve accomplished…..not nothing, but less than expected. Stuck on The Visitor story, not sure what happens next. Need a space where I can “close the door” and daydream, still stuck in the corporate day job modus operandi where I need to be head down productive for 8 hours. The creative process is different, still getting used to it.

So, I need to let go of the anxiety I’m feeling over not being word-count productive, relax and let it flow. I can do this.

Above photo is good, but the composition is a little off. I had the camera to low on the tripod. Too much of the platform is in the photo, it’s drawing the viewer’s eye away from the main focus of the photo, which is the train’s light trails. It’s not quite following the rule of thirds, applying that rule would put the train (and Meet Happy monitor) in a better position.

Obsessively checking that damn dating app. The dopamine hit from looking at the pretty user pictures is too great to ignore. Need to consider locking it down so that I can’t check the site. A net nanny type app would be good. Had the laptop in the shop for servicing a few weeks back and was without it for a couple of days. That was of tremendous help to my productivity. Maybe I should consider writing in a notebook instead of a laptop?

That’s not a bad idea.

Nikon D3400
1 sec
f/13
18mm
ISO 100

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Resolutions

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He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the universe. 

Status: desperately trying to remember a line/scene in a movie I saw over the weekend where the protagonist has this epiphanous moment and from that point forward lives a life of intent. It struck me as relevant at the time, dovetailing quite nicely with some of these thoughts I’ve been entertaining about my approach to Things and Stuff. Reflecting on my life and how I can break through…..

More to come..

Nikon D3400
2/5 sec
f/9
18mm
ISO 100

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The Beauty of Life

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Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.

And I do a lot of dwelling, but not about the beauty of life. The opposite, in fact. My default seems to be dwelling on the empty portion of the glass rather than the full portion. I use it to feed my depression (or is it a result of my depression?), which is my comfortable space, my constant companion, and in a sick way I really miss it when it’s not around.

I’m fully aware that this isn’t healthy for me and I need to cultivate behaviours which will push me more towards positive thoughts and actions.

And that’s where I can use the photography. It forces me to look for the beauty in the most mundane things and then capture it on camera. The end result of which is incentive enough to focus on the full portion of the glass, I think.

Nikon D3400
1/125 sec
f/3.5
18mm
ISO 4500

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Is Your House in Order?

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Is your house in order?

Most definitely not.

I’ve gone through periods in my life where one side was doing well and the other side not so much. My business/career life was coming up all aces while my personal life was akin to stepping in dogshit, and vice versa. But this is the first time in my life that they’ve both been equally less than optimal. But hey, at least they’re in balance.

I’ve been busy cataloguing and listing everything for sale. I need to drop some of the excess baggage, dispose of the residual items which are no longer adding value and/or providing enjoyment. It’s been a slow process, but I’ve made good headway and the items are starting to move.

I need to get back to a minimalist lifestyle, something which is a bit more conducive to travel. Which means it’s time to move onto the next thing.

Destination unknown at this stage.

More to come……………..

Nikon D3400
1/30 sec
f/16
24mm
ISO 100

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Solitude

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Good morning.

Status: surrounded by music, in deep conversation with myself.

Saw this quote recently: “My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.” – Warsan Shire

I spend so much time focusing on my solitude as an abnormal state of being that I never (rarely) stop to think that maybe there is nothing wrong with being this way. This is optimal for me, so why feel bad about it?

Nikon D3400
1/320 sec
f/9
55mm
ISO 100

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Missing Pieces

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Good morning.

“Let not your mind run on what you lack as much as on what you have already.” – Marcus Aurelius

Current status: cold. small. rummaging around in the dark corners of my mind looking for things I don’t have.

Coveting thy neighbour as a form of self-flagellation. I’ll add that to the list of ways I punish myself. Or can I use it as a form of aspiration?

Nikon D3400
1/20 sec
f/5.6
18mm
ISO 1600

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