Opportunity for Kindness

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Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness.

Status: still sick. Lack of quality sleep has left me drifting and indecisive which has resulted in little writing today. Best to pack it in and try again tomorrow, I think.

But, I am going to the gym, and I did get a few things done today. Board meeting this morning, sourced the paint colour codes for my unit, cleaned all of the white borders on my shoes (which was long overdue). And yesterday I was able to complete one more item on the task list which leaves me with two remaining.

So, not entirely unproductive.

Nikon D3400
1/60 sec
f/5.3
46mm
ISO 1600

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Doing Nothing

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The beauty of doing nothing is that you can do it perfectly.

Status: determined. I’m going to try again. I’ll need to make some changes, though. I don’t see the point of following the same path and hoping for different results.

Status on my goals for the week:

  1. complete selling the books – nope. I could insert an excuse, a qualifier here, but I’m not going to. Let’s just call it incomplete.
  2. dispose of extraneous items which no longer have value and are just taking up space – nope. Ditto on the above.
  3. complete the photography projects on my shot list – I actually completed two of these with good results.
  4. interview on Wednesday – completed and it went well.
  5. reach out to select contacts from my network – nope.
  6. And write. Everyday. 500 words per day – I completed 200 words per day, not including today.

One thing I’m not going to do is beat myself up for not completing the task list, that’s counter productive. I’m just going to do a better job of being perfectly imperfect at doing nothing.

Let’s get on with it……..

Nikon D3400
1/125 sec
f/3.5
18mm
ISO 2200

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Procrastination

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While we are postponing, life speeds by.

Procrastination as a form of self-flagellation, or at least that’s how I do it. From a very achievable list of tasks (priorities) for the week, I’m under achieving. Writing being at the top of the list. Picking up my thoughts from yesterday, if I’m not really interested in the writing process, and I’m obviously not getting to it by allowing myself to be distracted, then I need to let it go and move onto The Next Thing. I’m just wasting my time daydreaming about and then using it as a weapon against myself when I procrastinate.

Enough of that. Rubber meet road.

Regarding The Next Thing – second interview yesterday and they’re interested. They were projecting their intentions during the interview; I don’t think I’m misreading the situation, however I’ll find out next week and then we can start formalising/agreeing the details. So, without starting the process of counting chickens and based upon the outcome of next week I’m going to do one of two things: take the opportunity (provided we can agree on terms), or I’m going to head East……….

Nikon D3400
1/50 sec
f/5.6
26mm
ISO 800

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True Sight

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We often want one thing and pray for another, not telling the truth even to the gods.

Status: indecisive. Having a hard time staying focused this morning. Fucked around with this photo and one other trying to make it “perfect” before I was happy enough to post it. Not sure if what I did made it any better or just another equally good version.

What am I praying for today? Focus. Calm. I’ve been procrastinating heavily over the last few days and not getting done what I want/need to accomplish.

I have this desire (need?) to head down a specific path, but I’m not giving it due attention. I think I’m too focused on an idealised end result and am not deriving enjoyment from the process – that is, when I actually engage in the process. The latter is not sustainable, and the former…….well, I’m just daydreaming. Nothing inherently wrong with doing that, but I should recognise it for what it is and not confuse it with ambition and/or desire.

So, that’s the question: if not this then what?

Nikon D3400
1/250 sec
f/3.8
23mm
ISO 560

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Rebirth

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For a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen: a gaseous nebula must collapse.

So collapse.
Crumble.
This is not your destruction.

This is your birth.

Status: murky and muddy. My head’s full of cotton, which is all the result of a poor night’s sleep. Starting in January I’m going to start treating myself a little bit better over the weekend, so that I can reclaim my Monday. I seem to have more bad ones than good ones and I don’t like losing the day to behaviours which demotivate me.

Tasks for the week: complete selling the books, dispose of extraneous items which no longer have value and are just taking up space, complete the photography projects on my shot list, interview on Wednesday, reach out to select contacts from network……

And write. Everyday. 500 words per day is a realistic goal, and that will give me 2,500 words by Friday which is enough for the first draft of the short story to be called complete.

Nikon D3400
1/125 sec
f/3.5
18mm
ISO 2800

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The Beauty of Life

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Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.

And I do a lot of dwelling, but not about the beauty of life. The opposite, in fact. My default seems to be dwelling on the empty portion of the glass rather than the full portion. I use it to feed my depression (or is it a result of my depression?), which is my comfortable space, my constant companion, and in a sick way I really miss it when it’s not around.

I’m fully aware that this isn’t healthy for me and I need to cultivate behaviours which will push me more towards positive thoughts and actions.

And that’s where I can use the photography. It forces me to look for the beauty in the most mundane things and then capture it on camera. The end result of which is incentive enough to focus on the full portion of the glass, I think.

Nikon D3400
1/125 sec
f/3.5
18mm
ISO 4500

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Trials

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A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials.

Status: fucking tired. Wide awake at 3:30am and couldn’t get back to sleep, so gave up trying around 4am and got up. Night terrors as usual, but these extended throughout the night which is unusual. Things peaking out from shadowy corners, movement across the room and from behind the drapes. My mind was obviously overactive last night seeing things which are not there.

Received odd feedback yesterday from an interview which I had two and half months ago. I’d long forgotten about it, rightly getting the impression during the interview that they weren’t really interested, which is fine. That said, the tardiness of the response and inelegant content of the message was a little off-putting and has left me wondering if I should seek clarification or leave it alone. Perhaps that’s all I need to know about the organisation, tactless correspondence as an indicator of the way they approach employee relations.

Still, is this an opportunity to make some changes?

Nikon D3400
1/640 sec
f/9
18mm
ISO 100

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