Perception

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Everything you see or hear or experience in any way at all is specific to you. You create a universe by perceiving it, so everything in the universe you perceive is specific to you.

Status: good, although I was up way too early this morning. sitting here now fussing over photos for IG and then staring at a blank page trying to decide what to write. Anxiety levels: moderate. I may just bin it and go to the gym.

Nikon D3400
1/500 sec
f/9
18mm
ISO 100

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Street Photography

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My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.

Status: grotty. awake at 3:30am. couldn’t get back to sleep, so got up around 4:30am. sitting here in a pool of fever induced clammy sweat agonising over photos and accompanying captions. Should I just take the day off so I can rest up and get better? Yes. Am I actually going to do that? Nope. I have stuff to do; actually I have a full day and want to squeeze in some writing and photo editing on top of that. I have zero interest in sitting around feeling ill; I’d rather just prop myself up with some aspirin and then get on with It.

Photography.

I’ve had a few good days; actually I was able to take pictures every day over the weekend – Friday to Sunday. Now spending time on the pictures from the 31st, with the 5th, 6th and 7th to follow. Cognisant that time is growing short and I need to consider timing around disposing of the entry level kit before I leave; prefer not to take it back with me, but will keep that option open as a last resort.

The models that I booked for this week have flaked on me, and I think I’ve lost interest in ticking that box. May work on organising that for next week, but I think I’ll be okay with it if I can’t get it done before I leave. I’ll have another bite at that particular apple at some point in the future, but right now I’m enjoying the street photography, so maybe it’s best to stick with that, especially since the weather is getting better.

Date.

M and I are getting together again tomorrow evening for dinner and festivities (or is it me and M? Remember being taught the former in school, but I’ve been seeing people use the latter?). Looking forward to seeing her, but not interested in the partying that will ensue. Don’t get me wrong, I love a debaucherous evening, but not all the time and I’m at that stage of the week when I’m mostly interested in working on my creative projects. Plus I’m clearly sick, so there’s that…….

Writing.

Not much to say on this front other than the photography has taken over. I don’t even have enough energy at the moment to self-flagellate over the lack of writing, which is not a bad thing. As long as I’m being productive with the photography and am not wasting my free time with YT videos and other such time wasters, I’m okay. Will need to revisit this goal because clearly it’s not holding my attention…….

Ok, let’s get on with it.

Nikon D3400
1/200 sec
f/9
55mm
ISO 100

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Opportunity for Kindness

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Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness.

Status: still sick. Lack of quality sleep has left me drifting and indecisive which has resulted in little writing today. Best to pack it in and try again tomorrow, I think.

But, I am going to the gym, and I did get a few things done today. Board meeting this morning, sourced the paint colour codes for my unit, cleaned all of the white borders on my shoes (which was long overdue). And yesterday I was able to complete one more item on the task list which leaves me with two remaining.

So, not entirely unproductive.

Nikon D3400
1/60 sec
f/5.3
46mm
ISO 1600

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Doing Nothing

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The beauty of doing nothing is that you can do it perfectly.

Status: determined. I’m going to try again. I’ll need to make some changes, though. I don’t see the point of following the same path and hoping for different results.

Status on my goals for the week:

  1. complete selling the books – nope. I could insert an excuse, a qualifier here, but I’m not going to. Let’s just call it incomplete.
  2. dispose of extraneous items which no longer have value and are just taking up space – nope. Ditto on the above.
  3. complete the photography projects on my shot list – I actually completed two of these with good results.
  4. interview on Wednesday – completed and it went well.
  5. reach out to select contacts from my network – nope.
  6. And write. Everyday. 500 words per day – I completed 200 words per day, not including today.

One thing I’m not going to do is beat myself up for not completing the task list, that’s counter productive. I’m just going to do a better job of being perfectly imperfect at doing nothing.

Let’s get on with it……..

Nikon D3400
1/125 sec
f/3.5
18mm
ISO 2200

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Procrastination

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While we are postponing, life speeds by.

Procrastination as a form of self-flagellation, or at least that’s how I do it. From a very achievable list of tasks (priorities) for the week, I’m under achieving. Writing being at the top of the list. Picking up my thoughts from yesterday, if I’m not really interested in the writing process, and I’m obviously not getting to it by allowing myself to be distracted, then I need to let it go and move onto The Next Thing. I’m just wasting my time daydreaming about and then using it as a weapon against myself when I procrastinate.

Enough of that. Rubber meet road.

Regarding The Next Thing – second interview yesterday and they’re interested. They were projecting their intentions during the interview; I don’t think I’m misreading the situation, however I’ll find out next week and then we can start formalising/agreeing the details. So, without starting the process of counting chickens and based upon the outcome of next week I’m going to do one of two things: take the opportunity (provided we can agree on terms), or I’m going to head East……….

Nikon D3400
1/50 sec
f/5.6
26mm
ISO 800

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True Sight

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We often want one thing and pray for another, not telling the truth even to the gods.

Status: indecisive. Having a hard time staying focused this morning. Fucked around with this photo and one other trying to make it “perfect” before I was happy enough to post it. Not sure if what I did made it any better or just another equally good version.

What am I praying for today? Focus. Calm. I’ve been procrastinating heavily over the last few days and not getting done what I want/need to accomplish.

I have this desire (need?) to head down a specific path, but I’m not giving it due attention. I think I’m too focused on an idealised end result and am not deriving enjoyment from the process – that is, when I actually engage in the process. The latter is not sustainable, and the former…….well, I’m just daydreaming. Nothing inherently wrong with doing that, but I should recognise it for what it is and not confuse it with ambition and/or desire.

So, that’s the question: if not this then what?

Nikon D3400
1/250 sec
f/3.8
23mm
ISO 560

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Rebirth

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For a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen: a gaseous nebula must collapse.

So collapse.
Crumble.
This is not your destruction.

This is your birth.

Status: murky and muddy. My head’s full of cotton, which is all the result of a poor night’s sleep. Starting in January I’m going to start treating myself a little bit better over the weekend, so that I can reclaim my Monday. I seem to have more bad ones than good ones and I don’t like losing the day to behaviours which demotivate me.

Tasks for the week: complete selling the books, dispose of extraneous items which no longer have value and are just taking up space, complete the photography projects on my shot list, interview on Wednesday, reach out to select contacts from network……

And write. Everyday. 500 words per day is a realistic goal, and that will give me 2,500 words by Friday which is enough for the first draft of the short story to be called complete.

Nikon D3400
1/125 sec
f/3.5
18mm
ISO 2800

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