Love Yourself

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Try to love yourself as much as you want someone else to.

Status: awake at 2:30am this morning and then couldn’t get back to sleep, so pried myself out of bed at 4:30am and then promptly informed my IG followers that I was awake by updating my story. What would they do without me? All things considered, I don’t feel too bad. Tired, but that’s to be expected. Not too much brain fog this morning, so I’m right on schedule. By the time I get up tomorrow morning it should be all gone, and then I’ll do it all again this coming weekend.

Writing and Photography.

Was planning to write as soon as I got up, but couldn’t muster the energy, so fell down a rabbit hole on YT which lasted about two hours before I caught myself. Perhaps I’m finding the task of writing too daunting and I need to lower expectations? Maybe I need a little bit of time in the morning before I can get going? Actually, a slow start to the day is something I’ve always done. I even find it difficult to train early in the morning and typically prefer something a bit more civilised like coffee/tea and a little reading before officially beginning my day. I think that sounds way more productive than watching YT videos, for sure.

In any case, I decided to process photos instead of doing some writing. Finished off the pictures from the 24th and started on the ones from the 27th. The former date produced some really nice, dramatic Black and White photos which are definitely worth sharing. The latter, not so much. I was experimenting with the Shutter Priority function on the camera, and while the composition is good, the ISO is way too high which means the photos are pretty noisy. This camera is not great with a high ISO setting at night, so I think I’ll retire that function and stick with the Manual setting going forward.

Date.

I was due to get together with The Blonde Girl on Sunday, but she cancelled last minute. Yeast infection, or some such. We didn’t have any firms plans past agreeing to get together in the afternoon. I’ve seen this behaviour before; it’s a lack of interest (on both sides) and I’m going to call it now: between the two of us we’ll allow it to die. I’ll be very surprised if she reaches out to me this week, and I’m not going to make the effort, so I think that will be the end of that.

Time to forgive myself for the faux pas of today and try again tomorrow….

Nikon D3400
1/60 sec
f/3.5
18mm
ISO 800

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Echinacea, Apsirin and Pho

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I hate this feeling. Like I’m here, but I’m not. Like someone cares. But they don’t. Like I belong somewhere else, anywhere but here, and escape lies just past that snowy window, cool and crisp as the February air.

Status: good. woke up this morning feeling better than I thought I would. Let me explain: I like pho, but apparently something in pho doesn’t like me. Had a big bowl on Wednesday evening, and while eating it I thought, “maybe this isn’t such a good idea”, but I did it anyway. You know, because I’m awesome like that. As the day wore on yesterday, my face became really flushed and I could feel inflammation inside of me, not to mention that I felt like I was coming down with something. As all of this was piling on I’m thinking to myself, I’d really like to get through these next few weeks without any downtime from being sick (so why’d you eat the pho, bro?).  In any case, I took some echinacea and some aspirin followed by a good night’s sleep and woke up this morning feeling no worse for wear. Crisis averted.

Dates.

Tentative plans to hang out with The Tardy Girl on Saturday night (I’ll have to come up with a better descriptor because I’d prefer not to use real names). She doesn’t drink, so it’ll be a dry date, but I’m okay with that. I’d like to cut back in any case. Sunday will see the return of The Blonde Girl (ditto above), who I’m convinced is a party girl on top of everything else which is presentable and practical about her. Her original request was to hang out late on Friday night, but I just don’t want to fuck up my weekend with a hangover on Saturday. I hope you understand. Less enthused about this meeting, but let’s see how this goes.

Career.

With a great amount of hesitation, I pulled the trigger on interim living accommodations for when I first arrive on the island. Let the self-loathing begin. It’s a stupid amount of money which is tempered slightly by offsetting income I wouldn’t have earned otherwise by moving straight into my place. I had some cheaper options on the table, but felt that they were too far afield and frankly too much of a downgrade. I also opted not to take my cousin up on his offer because of the length of time I’d be staying at his place. A few weeks is fine, but I just felt like 2 months was tearing the ass out of it a little bit. I’m convinced that I’d end up overstaying my welcome, and I’d like to maintain the integrity of that relationship if I can. Besides, I haven’t cohabitated with anyone in, oh, 30 years and am not really keen on losing some personal space, even if only temporary.

Anyway, it’s done. I’m sure I’ll be revisiting this decision for weeks to come.

Photography.

Working my way through the next set of photos from my weekend outing, and suddenly realising that it’s all about the photography right now. To the detriment of my writing. That’s okay because I’d like to dispose of the equipment before I leave and I need a little lead time for that.

Posted to IG for the first time in a while this morning. Not overly impressed with the above photo, but thought it fell into the category of “good enough”. I have better ones to share from the weekend outings, and I haven’t even touched the photos I took on Wednesday. So, I have lots to work on. On top of that it’s such a beautiful warm day that I’m going to head out this afternoon and take more photos in Chinatown and Kensington.

Writing.

Right now I’m listening to the Tim Ferriss podcast where he interviews Neil Gaiman, and there are two things that immediately jump out at me. The two of them in particular, and Stephen King touched on this as well, have found places to write which are outside of their homes, so they can have that separation between home and work life. Tim described it as a malaise, and I suppose that’s true. For me, it may be some of what fuels my lethargy at times. So, that’s the first thing.

The second is the word count produced by Neil Gaiman. While he didn’t provide an exact daily word count, his process seemed much different than Stephen King’s, and the time he takes to work through the process is much longer. On that note, John Green was very similar to Neil, although he specifically called out his word count which was 2k per month.

That gave me a bit of comfort. I don’t feel so far out of left field now. There is room for improvement, of course, but at least it sounds like I’m on the right track.

Ok, I’m going to end it here and go and take some photos….

 

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Riding the Wave

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Status: excellent. riding a wave of, uh, what is the oppostite of lethargy? A quick Google search reveals that it is vigor or energy. How about energy and interest? Yes, riding a wave of energy and interest. Fully aware that time is growing short and that I’m doing the usual: scurrying around trying to get everything done on my list at the last minute before I leave. That said, I do have enough time to get it all done, so……

Photography.

Finished processing all of the photos from Comicon and started on the newer sets which I took last weekend. Should be able to bang them out quite quickly because there are fewer good ones.

Beautiful day yesterday which was accompanied by warmer weather, so last night I decided to head down to Chinatown and Kensington Market to take photos. Realised that even though it is warmer, an hour or so in 3c temperatures is still a bit of a challenge. I’m not going to buy warmer equipment, because it’s a bit late in the day for that. I’ll just tough it out, but for future reference I’ll need to invest in the proper attire relevant to the shooting location. If I’m going to be outside for any length of time, then I need to be comfortable otherwise the process just becomes too uncomfortable and I won’t stick with it.

Totally forgot that most restaurants are cash-only in that neck of the woods, and of course I rarely carry any cash with me. Stopped into Pho Hung for some pho – they were super busy relative to the other places nearby, so took that as a good sign. The food was good, atmosphere as expected. I mean 10 bucks for a large bowl of pho means I’m not expecting it to set the world on fire, but it was good solid fragrant yumminess. Unfortunately, the evening soured a little when it was to pay the bill. No cash on me meant that I had leave the camera at the restaurant and travel all the way home to get some cash and then travel all the way back. Not impressed, but the good news is it had darkened by the time I had returned, so it was a good opportunity to take a few night photos of Chinatown, which was on my shot list, so box ticked. There was a silver lining after all.

Date.

The blonde girl reached out to me yesterday suggesting we make plans on Friday. I haven’t responded, and that speaks volumes about my interest in getting together with her. Despite the fact that it’s really late on Friday, and I don’t want to mess up my Saturday with a late, potentially boozy night, I think I’d rather hang out with the tardy woman who talked me off the ledge. Will mull it over some more, but I should respond to her text shortly. It’s rude to leave her hanging like that.

Writing.

This afternoon. I promise.

 

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