Stop looking outside for scraps of pleasure or fulfillment, for validation, security, or love – you have a treasure within that is infinitely greater than anything the world can offer.
Status: wide awake at 2:30 am and couldn’t get back to sleep. lazed around in bed until the alarm went off at 5am and then got up. Second night in a row with poor sleep and I’m worth nothing this morning. Immediately hit caffeine and YouTube because I was half asleep and needed an excuse to not start writing. Even the meditation didn’t help. All the discipline in the world wouldn’t have saved me, as soon as I’m tired I immediately give up and fold like a house of cards. And then the self-loathing starts because I didn’t keep my promise to myself.
I do that a lot.
Not keeping my promises to myself.
If I don’t treat myself like I’m a priority, then how can I expect other people to do it? If I don’t keep the promises I make to myself, then how I can expect other people to keep their promises? (Is that how that works?) All I know is I have zero tolerance for people who do that to me, yet I’ll do it to myself without even batting an eyelid.
I need to start treating myself better. Starting today.
I’m stuck with the writing and procrastinating by raking my brain over hot coals with vapid YouTube videos, so decided to be productive instead and started processing photos from the weekend sessions. I’m actually really really pleased with how some of these have turned out. Not only are my compositional skills getting better, but so is my post-processing on Lightroom. I’m faster, I have a better eye for the style that’s going to fit the photo and my colour matching is progressing (which is saying something because I’m figuratively colour blind – if someone said, “match these two colours or you’re dead”, I’d be dead AF in two seconds). I’ll be posting these to IG over the coming weeks.
I’ve also been able to secure the services of an amateur model to help me with a few shots I’d like to take, and she isn’t too expensive. Will figure out where I’m going to slot it into the schedule. Was so out of it yesterday, I couldn’t even wrap my head around schedules and such, and today I’m not feeling much better, but I’m just going to suck it up and get it done.
The short story goes to the editor this afternoon. I promise.