Captain Marvel and Neurokinesis

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Nothing lasts. You think it’s going to. You think, ‘Here’s something I can hold on to,’ but it always slips away. 

Status: good. overslept a little bit this morning. not fuzzy, sinuses are clear. My mood: good, not depressed and am generally upbeat.

Writing.

Sitting here struggling to write a review on Captain Marvel. I have that sinking unproductive feeling as I’m staring blankly at the page while intermittently watching the minutes tick past, and then distracting myself with a little YT dopamine loveliness to avoid experiencing that feeling.

I can charitably define it as a hit piece, which I’ve already decided I’m going to post to a number of different review sites. But, I’m hesitating. I’m thinking that this is overly venomous and negative, and at the end of the day I don’t know what I’m going to gain from doing this. Yes, I’m disappointed that they appropriated one of my favourite characters and turned it on its ear with a foreign narrative in order to sell more product. As companies do. However, my two cents won’t change that. Maybe it’s best to concentrate on more productive endeavours.

Fitness.

I’ve been struggling with shoulder injuries for years, tearing both rotator cuffs multiple times and then making numerous mistakes in both treatment and subsequent training regimens which have then perpetuated the injury cycle. Fortunately I’ve learned a little bit along the way, and I now know what to do and what not to do, so it’s not a completely wasted exercise.

Earlier this year I started to feel a pinching in my left shoulder when I raised the elbow above shoulder level. I’m not doing any exercises which require that movement anymore; a result of the frequent injuries and the implementation of preventative measures in order to enable me to workout normally and stay healthy. But I would feel it pinching when putting on a t-shirt or applying deodorant, and while mildly alarming, I did what I normally do: ignore it. As long as I can workout then I’m good, which is not the smartest thing to do.

I finally decided that it’s been long enough and I should probably have someone take a look at it before it get’s worse. (Side note: I need to start rewarding that kind of productive self-care type behaviour.) In any case, I booked an appointment with an RMT I’ve used in the past to see if the issue could be resolved.

Calling Tim an RMT is not the best descriptor. A kinesiologist by training, he’s also certified in a number of different techniques to promote healing and alleviate pain from sports injuries. And he clearly has a passion for what he does. I booked an ART (deep tissue massage) session online, but when I arrived he suggested neurokinetic therapy instead, explaining that this will permanently solve the problem.

It is honestly a very odd treatment; a combination of light touching, functional movement and viewing cue cards with either an ‘X’ or an ‘=’ sign on it. The end result however far exceeded expectations. At the end of the session, and even now as I write this, the pain is gone and the shoulder is moving freely. Tim explained that the muscles surrounding the rotator cuff had contracted and become “locked” in place which was preventing the shoulder from rotating properly when I moved it in specific ways. The end result of which was the rotator cuff muscle would get pinched between the bones in the shoulder, thus the pinching feeling. By releasing the “locked” muscles, the shoulder was able to rotate properly and therefore was no longer pinching the rotator cuff muscle.

It’s a fkn miracle. I’m so impressed with the treatment. I don’t know what I’m going to do when I move back to the island, because I’m pretty sure they don’t have this level of (cutting edge) sports/physical therapy there.

Photography.

Finished processing the food photos from my visit to The Chase last Saturday night. Other than the desert, the food wasn’t very photogenic. Despite my poor photography skills the end results were passable, but not great. I’m beginning to suspect that I don’t have the right lens for this kind of photography, but a poor workman blames his tools, so I’ll take it as a learning experience. I’m likely not going to post these to IG as I don’t think they’re good enough, but I will put them on YT for completeness’ sake.

Nikon D3400
1/80 sec
f/3.5
18mm
ISO 1600

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Slowly Making Progress

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My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.

Status: good. better than yesterday, but procrastinating heavily this morning. I was awake at 2:30 am and couldn’t get back to sleep, so gave up and decided to start my day at about 4pm. Trying to work through a few items on the task list before I run out of steam, which typically happens when I get up so early.

Writing.

Not making great progress on this front, and I think I need to rededicate myself to the task. The process which I had in place before was working effectively, so I just need to pick that up again and drive this forward (which makes it sound less enjoyable than it actually is).

I received the edits on Weaver short story from the Editor over the weekend. Fully admit that I haven’t looked at it, and I’d like to start working on that today. The other item I have on the task list is completing the summary page for The Patriot story and then I can start circulating it around to publishing companies for feedback.

Photography.

Did some cost analysis this morning on buying a new PC in my current location versus waiting until I arrive at the next place before purchasing it. Along with the new camera equipment I’d like to start using Photoshop proper, or at least in tandem with Lightroom, and I need a more powerful PC for that. Surprisingly, it’s not that much more expensive here than there, but I think this is due to the sales which are going on right now.

The other issue I’m running into is on the warranty and support side. If I buy something here (or online from an unauthorised dealer like eBay or Amazon) and then transport it across international lines, I’ll lose the warranty. To get access to it, I’d need to ship the unit to someone here who would then have to get it serviced on my behalf. I think that’s more trouble than it’s worth and it may be best if I source a PC from a company which will provide support in my new location.

I also had another look at the system requirements for using Photoshop and I think my current rig is passable, at least in the short term. I’ll need to source a new PC eventually, but at least with this knowledge in hand there’s no pressure to pull the trigger on a more powerful rig now and I can look at pushing this out until later in the year. At the very least, it may be best start using it on my current PC and see if it meets my needs. If the answer is yes, then I’m good. If not then I’ll have a good idea what I need to take that next step and can then source it accordingly.

That’s another item completed from the task list.

Nikon D3400
1/80 sec
f/3.5
18mm
ISO 3200

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Poor Start

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Beautiful things happen when you distance yourself from negativity.

Status: good. awake at 3:30am and then couldn’t get back to sleep. Drifted off just as the alarm rang, hit the snooze button and then slept for another hour and a quarter. Good grief. Need to work on recovering from poor starts like that. Was able to accomplish a few things this morning, but nothing of substance (I think), and the writing……

Writing.

Poor week for writing. Period. Because I didn’t know what to do next, I gave up yesterday and started working through the task list. Was able to tick a few boxes, but unfortunately this wasn’t one of them. And the poor start to the day today didn’t help. Need to regroup and try again. That said, I am going to set this aside and bang out a few items off the task list rather than let this hold me in place. Maybe I’ll be able to build some momentum this way.

Photography.

Finished processing all my photos from the last few weeks yesterday. I have a few good ones, others are WTF, but that’s okay. It’s all a learning experience. Will be going to The Chase on Saturday night, so good opportunity for food photos. And then will be working with a model on Sunday afternoon – two locations: street and boudoir. Curious to see how this plays out.

Did some cost analysis yesterday on buying new photography equipment here versus waiting until I arrive at the next place before purchasing it. If I wait, I’ll save almost $700, which is nothing to sneeze at and given the cost of the equipment, it’s a significant enough savings which will provide me with enough to spend on peripheral equipment like tripods and such.

Captain Marvel.

With a certain amount of trepidation, I’m going to see this movie on Saturday. Cautiously optimistic that it’ll be okay. Based upon the events in Avengers: Infinity War and what I know of the comic books (which is significant), Marvel is going to have to make some significant changes to the character’s origin, backstory and journey to get it to fit into the movie universe they’ve created. There was a bit of foreshadowing in Infinity War, which is in line with the comic, so I’m aware of one aspect likely to appear in the movie. But the rest is up for grabs. This is unlike any other Marvel movie to date, they’ll essentially be creating an almost brand-new character for the big screen, with the possibility that the only thing recognisable will be the character’s name. Everything else might be different.

Couple that with some rumblings I’m hearing about the potential political leanings of the movie and I’m not sure that I’m part of the target audience for this film. I just want to see an awesome Marvel superhero movie based on the comics I read as a kid. I have little interest in patronising someone’s self indulgent opportunity to do a little axe grinding. Which is what the filmmakers did with Black Panther.

Ok, let’s get on with it……

Nikon D3400
1/100 sec
f/3.5
18mm
ISO 100

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Heaven and Hell

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The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven.

Status: good. I mean, just about ok. Overslept this morning. A holdover from three nights in a row of poor sleep. Suspect that this is what trips me up more than anything. It’s one of the things I didn’t miss from alcohol consumption: a poor night’s sleep. The other thing I didn’t miss was the sinus congestion. It’s Wednesday and I’m still congested from drinking on Saturday night. If I remember correctly it takes a full week for my sinuses to normalise, and I’m too stubbourn to take a decongestant (I’m also too stubbourn to take WordPress’ suggestion of using the American spelling of the word ‘stubbourn’). Given these two consequences, are they worth the price of my Saturday night dalliances?

Probably not.

Writing.

Procrastinating because I don’t know where to start. I need to finish off the summary page for The Patriot story and then I can start looking for a way to publish it. But, I’m struggling with the summary because I’m not completely clear on how the story progresses through the three act structure. Which is disconcerting given I’ve written the first issue (or the beginning of the story), and I have a general idea of what it’s about, but I don’t know what happens next. Which is making it difficult for me to complete the synopsis and issue summaries (that make up the story arc through the three acts).

I’ll figure it out, but in the meantime I’m a little stuck. Maybe I should just work on something else rather than allow this to hold me in place.

On a separate note, I submitted the short story ‘Weaver’ to the editor, as promised. It’s out of my hands now. Feedback should take about a week or two, I think?

Photography.

Booked the model for Sunday afternoon. I have four shots on the shot list – two street scenes at Union, and two boudoir shots, which might be a bit ambitious for a 2.5 hour shoot given they are in separate locations and there will be some travelling to get from one to the other. Let’s see how this plays out and what lessons I’ll learn from the experience. I can then apply those to the next session, if there is one.

Dating.

I have a full schedule this coming weekend. Coffee dates on Saturday afternoon and Sunday noon. No great read on either one, however the Saturday date is the one who cancelled on me last week, and I think she is the one who explained that a medical issue forced a career change? Unless she was a cage fighter in a previous life, I’m not sure what that means.

By way of introduction, I sent a section from this journal to the Sunday date as part of my initial correspondence with her. It was met with an extremely favourable response. I mean, she REALLY liked it. During our subsequent back-and-forth I can see that she is projecting idealistic hopes onto me as a result. I’m flattered that she liked the piece of writing and that she is super interested in meeting me, but I’m also slightly concerned that I won’t live up to her expectations.

I don’t live up to my own expectations, how am I going to live up to yours? Disappointment, thy name is online dating.

Nikon D3400
1/100 sec
f/7.1
18mm
ISO 100

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The Return of Lethargy

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Status: ok. tired, actually. I’ve allowed that to infect the day and let it push me into being unproductive. I don’t understand how I can have days like today and still find the motivation go to the gym, but I can’t sort myself out enough to focus on the task list – writing, photography, etc.

Decided to break the dry theme to my weekends and did a little bit of parting on Saturday night. I was also out last night, and I while there was no alcohol involved, I didn’t get a full night’s sleep, so I’m pretty lethargic today. We’re almost at the end of the day and I’m only just starting to put pen to paper, so to speak.

I honestly don’t feel THAT bad, I just feel lethargic. It’s probably the result of my programming and I’m likely getting a pay-off from being lazy – maybe its a form of self-flagellation, which sounds about right.

Writing.

The editor I reached out to last week sent me a response on Friday and now all I need to do is submit the story for her to review. Mildly nervous about letting someone read something which I think is maybe average at best, but I want to move forward and see if I have something worth publishing. Best to keep expectations low and use the feedback to up my game, which is the purpose of the exercise, I think.

Date.

Spontaneous date on Friday was better than expected. She was actually pretty engaging and we had a good chat – easy and fun. The best kind. I’m not going to pursue this any further. We’re just not compatible enough, and I think we’re looking for different things. That said, it was a good spur-of-the-moment get-together, and I’m glad I pushed through the OCD and was flexible enough to accommodate it. I need to do more of that.

Ok. Must sleep now…….

 

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Friday Musings

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Status: good. actually I’m feeling okay. Structured my day a little differently today, so that I could tackle the admin stuff first and then focus on the rest afterwards. The admin piece took longer than expected, and it usually does. It’s also the stuff which I can do on auto pilot, so honestly it’s better suited for afternoon when I have lower energy.

Writing.

Decided to reach out to the writer which I met off the dating app a few weeks back to see if I can avail myself of her editing services. I mean, that’s not weird, right? Part of me won’t be surprised if I don’t receive a response, but at the same time……

Partially finished the summary page for The Patriot yesterday, but it needs more work. I’ll finish that this weekend.

Honestly, it kinda got away from me today. I’ve been focusing on clearing off a few prep tasks for my move in a couple of months……

Career.

Notified everyone yesterday of the impending change and agreed the start date with BFM, so that’s locked int. Started looking for a place to stay when I remembered that the tenant lease at one of my places is up for renewal at the end of this month, and they haven’t decided if they’re going to renew. If they don’t re-up for another year and allow the current lease to lapse, then I’ll move into the unit myself. I can always place it back on the rental market in a few months, or later in the year once I’m settled and have started to formulate next steps. The nice thing about this plan is, I’ll have a place to stay immediately, the mortgage is paid off so it’s rent free, the electricity is already on and it’s in town, so I can walk to work. I’ll just to need to source linens, internet access and a motorcycle, although given I’ll be so close to work there is no rush for that.

Date.

Spontaneous date this evening. Sometime the dating app just presents opportunities, and I think the warmer weather helps in this regard as well. Not sure that our personalities are aligned – profile says that she is dominant, which is not congruent with my personality type, but eff it. I’m game for the adventure, so let’s see how this goes. I’m doing anything tonight anyway.

Coffee date tomorrow at noon with someone I’ve been chatting to for about a week. This one seems like she has issues. She already jokingly told me that she’s psycho, which could be a self effacing joke. Delivered as a joke, but is actually true.

In any case, we’ll see how it goes……

 

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Procrastination and YouTube

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Status: good. I don’t feel bad. actually, I feel better today than I have over the last few days. Procrastinating heavily this morning and hating everything that I’m creating right now. Anxious about The Next Chapter. Distracting myself from these two bits of unpleasantness by immersing myself in entertaining YouTube videos. Was informed about something called the MOMO challenge this morning. Immediately hated myself for watching it afterwards which then kicked off a downward spiral of self-loathing, which then lead to more procrastination, which led to another YouTube video. This one from a YT “celebrity” telling me about a NYT article on the correlation between money and happiness, or lack thereof. Now I really hate myself and regret watching it, which is leading me to…………

STOP.

BREATHE.

FOCUS.

Writing.

As soon as I got up this morning, I started the summary page for The Patriot short story. I’m going to finish that today. It’s just one page. I know the story. Time to put it down on paper. Once that is completed then the first draft is done and I can start looking for ways to submit it to publishers.

Settled on a title for the Death short story. Amended the ending slightly to remove repetitive narrative. I’m going to research editors and then send it off for review. I’m willing to spend a little bit of money to have that done. I’m going to take my time and find the right one for me. Being comfortable is key.

Career.

Apparently NTB is still in play. It was quiet for two weeks, but they still have an open position which they are trying to fill, and it’s located in jurisdictions which are more attractive options than the one with BFM. If I’m going to take a job that doesn’t really excite me then at the very least I’d rather it be in place where I’ll be happy. They still have a few hurdles to clear before I’ll know for sure, so we’ll see how this plays out.

The BFM opportunity which I accepted has a start date of 2.5 months from now and I need to begin handing in notices and making arrangements to relocate. Made a half-hearted attempt to begin that process yesterday and then quickly gave up. I’m going to have to white-knuckle it because it’s quite obvious that my subconscious is telling me not to do it. That speaks volumes about my interest in going through with this, but I just need to tough it out and get it done.

Ok, let’s get on with it…..

 

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