Street Photography

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My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.

Status: grotty. awake at 3:30am. couldn’t get back to sleep, so got up around 4:30am. sitting here in a pool of fever induced clammy sweat agonising over photos and accompanying captions. Should I just take the day off so I can rest up and get better? Yes. Am I actually going to do that? Nope. I have stuff to do; actually I have a full day and want to squeeze in some writing and photo editing on top of that. I have zero interest in sitting around feeling ill; I’d rather just prop myself up with some aspirin and then get on with It.

Photography.

I’ve had a few good days; actually I was able to take pictures every day over the weekend – Friday to Sunday. Now spending time on the pictures from the 31st, with the 5th, 6th and 7th to follow. Cognisant that time is growing short and I need to consider timing around disposing of the entry level kit before I leave; prefer not to take it back with me, but will keep that option open as a last resort.

The models that I booked for this week have flaked on me, and I think I’ve lost interest in ticking that box. May work on organising that for next week, but I think I’ll be okay with it if I can’t get it done before I leave. I’ll have another bite at that particular apple at some point in the future, but right now I’m enjoying the street photography, so maybe it’s best to stick with that, especially since the weather is getting better.

Date.

M and I are getting together again tomorrow evening for dinner and festivities (or is it me and M? Remember being taught the former in school, but I’ve been seeing people use the latter?). Looking forward to seeing her, but not interested in the partying that will ensue. Don’t get me wrong, I love a debaucherous evening, but not all the time and I’m at that stage of the week when I’m mostly interested in working on my creative projects. Plus I’m clearly sick, so there’s that…….

Writing.

Not much to say on this front other than the photography has taken over. I don’t even have enough energy at the moment to self-flagellate over the lack of writing, which is not a bad thing. As long as I’m being productive with the photography and am not wasting my free time with YT videos and other such time wasters, I’m okay. Will need to revisit this goal because clearly it’s not holding my attention…….

Ok, let’s get on with it.

Nikon D3400
1/200 sec
f/9
55mm
ISO 100

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Decorating Absence

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You can decorate absence however you want―but you’re still going to feel what’s missing.

Status: sick. I’m in denial about being sick. I can’t be sick. Started feeling odd late yesterday, but thought it was a continuation of the hangover from Sunday evening festivities. Last night it raged hard and disrupted sleep. Had to get up at some point and take some aspirin to manage the fever; bring it down so I could actually get some sleep. Despite that I don’t feel too bad this morning, but I have that scratchy feeling in my sinuses and at the top of my throat. Fuck. Will bang some echinacea and move forward.

Date.

Big weekend and a stunning turn of events. Friday night dinner date with The Tardy One, which was pleasant and dry as an added bonus so I didn’t have to contend with a hangover the following day. I like these types of dates which don’t soak up copious amounts of time and I can use the day afterwards to work on Productive Things. Spent Saturday fielding copious amounts of questions via text which centered around making sure our interactions were safe (for her) going forward and all of sudden I realised that she’s scared of her own shadow. I appreciate the need for caution, but she’s taking it a little bit too far. To the point that it’s turning me off; and that’s reminded me that I prefer the more adventurous type.

And that brings me to The Blonde Girl, which I’m going to refer to as M going forward. As expected I didn’t hear from her at all during the week and into the weekend, and fully intended to let it die, but…..in a moment of weakness I reached out to her on Saturday (no, not weakness, I was losing interest in The Tardy One and decided to look elsewhere). She said she was feel better and was available on Sunday, which I said was tentatively okay. I typically attend an Oasis event on the first Sunday of each month, and given I’m relocating wanted to go there one last time, but……I changed my mind at the last minute and decided to hang out with her instead. Actually she was pretty cool about it; I held her off until the last minute before making that decision (which means that I was holding her in place, so she couldn’t make plans for the evening and as such was letting her know that my time was more valuable than hers – that’s not fair and not cool, I need to do a little better going forward).

In any case, it was a really good date. I mean, we drank way too much, but she is fun and engaging and adventurous which are all the things I look for in a woman. When I told her about the event on Sunday evening that I had passed up in order to hangout with her, she expressed an interest and said we could check it out together. That was surprising; seems like I made the right choice and I’m now thinking that maybe M is the one I want to spend time with going forward, and I’ll let The Tardy One go.

And if you haven’t guessed it by now: yes, I am fickle….

Nikon D3400
1/100 sec
f/5.6
18mm
ISO 100

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Patios – Toronto – March 30, 2019

Jamaican patties, kimchi potstickers & other Asian & Caribbean specialties in festive digs.

Address: 794 Dundas St W, Toronto, ON M6J 1V1
Website: http://www.patoistoronto.com/

Menu:
1. Jamaican Oxtail – rice and peas, bok choi, crispy shallots
2. Jamaican Patty Double Down – two cocktail patties, bacon, swiss cheese fondue, sriracha
3. Curry Goat Doubles – chick pea masala, shadon beni, fresh pimento pepper, trini style flatbread
4. Dirty Fried Rice – lap cheong, red sausage, cajun trinity, farm egg
5. Cookie Butter French Toast – hong kong style, golden syrup, butter

Follow Me:

Twitter: https://twitter.com/A_G_Ferguson
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/andrew_g_fe…
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/franklag19101967

 

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Lazy

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Status: Lazy.

It’s almost 8:30, which is the end of my day, and I’m just starting to do some writing. I told myself I was going to review and edit the Weaver short story today, but instead spent the bulk of it doing admin work and some photography.

Ok.

I actually finished processing the photos from the 27th, and then loaded the pictures from the 29th, 30th and 31st. Processed a few of these and then got overstimulated, so took a quick break which turned into an hour on YT before I got back to it. Finally gave up at 9am because I was having a hard time focusing; too many choices and I was hating every photo I took, so had to set it aside.

The afternoon was the usual struggle to get back into the flow, but when I finally did settle down I was able to clear off the budget/finance tasks, and also closed a few items from the task list. Sussed a chiropracter and made an appointment, booked a couple of models for next week, advised a contact of the impending move and booked a catch-up lunch, and then followed up with the broker for a quote on the books.

Oh, and I did laundry.

So, I guess it was productive, but I still didn’t do the thing I wanted to do: write.

And then I made a tactical error.

Backed up my hard drive, but did the data transfer in reverse, which means I lost all of the work I had done this afternoon.

Smack my fucking head = SMFH times 2.

And that sent me into a downward spiral of self-loathing and self-flaggelation. Which doesn’t help. Briefly thought about the lessons I’ve learned from the meditation book; that I should accept the situation, lean into it and forgive myself, but that’s not what I wanted. Punishment was the choice I made.

As penance, rather than close out my day with a little Netflix-and-chill, I’ve decided that I’m going to complete all of the re-work before I go to sleep.

So, not a great day. Need to work on the forgiveness aspect and also my focus and prioritisation. The monkey mind pulls me aside way too easily…..

Alright, let’s get on with it…

 

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Late Start

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You can ask the universe for all the signs you want, but ultimately, we see what we want to see when we’re ready to see it.

Status: overslept this morning. I don’t feel bad, just a little disappointed that I got such a late start. My OCD is obviously poking at me, “this isn’t how it’s meant to be; you didn’t stick to the schedule and therefore the world has been thrown into chaos, so we have no choice but to throw this day in the bin and try again tomorrow when we can do it properly”. Yeah okay, hold on there……….(I need to give this aspect of myself a name….I think I’ll call it Chuck)….Yeah okay, hold on there CHUCK, you’re being a drama queen. Yes, we got a late start. So what? We were still able to tick the box on one To Do and am now sitting in Balzac’s drinking tea and writing, which is something we always wanted to do. I mean the sitting in Balzac’s doing some writing part, not the drinking tea part. We drink tea all the time……

(Pause)

Ummm, okay that’s a little weird (referring to myself in plural), but I’m still going to call my OCD Chuck (while picturing Jocko Willink and then hesitantly throwing a little Holy Water in his direction, “I anoint thee…”).

Career.

My new boss reached out to me via email yesterday looking to see if I can get an early start on the new job. Specifically, meeting a few people and starting the process of getting up to speed. I still have a month and a half before I start. He’s definitely a Type A personality, which is to be expected given the industry. I need to be prepared that he’ll likely be reaching out to me day and night because his work and life are integrated, there’s no separation therefore there is nothing to balance. Will need to manage this carefully as I have no intention of following suit and plan to utilise my spare time outside of work on writing and photography.

Date.

Reached out to The Tardy One yesterday to tell her I’m leaving Toronto. It only seemed fair to let her know up front that this was happening before she invested any more time in this. We talked about looking for an exclusive long term relationship up front, and I’m okay with that, but if that what she wants then better to let her go and find someone that can provide that locally versus over a distance (and on that note, long distance relationships are bullshit). In any case, she’s game, so we’ll give it a go and see what happens.

Alright, let’s stop there and move onto The Next Thing….

Nikon D3400
1/500 sec
f/14
18mm
ISO 100

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Love Yourself

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Try to love yourself as much as you want someone else to.

Status: awake at 2:30am this morning and then couldn’t get back to sleep, so pried myself out of bed at 4:30am and then promptly informed my IG followers that I was awake by updating my story. What would they do without me? All things considered, I don’t feel too bad. Tired, but that’s to be expected. Not too much brain fog this morning, so I’m right on schedule. By the time I get up tomorrow morning it should be all gone, and then I’ll do it all again this coming weekend.

Writing and Photography.

Was planning to write as soon as I got up, but couldn’t muster the energy, so fell down a rabbit hole on YT which lasted about two hours before I caught myself. Perhaps I’m finding the task of writing too daunting and I need to lower expectations? Maybe I need a little bit of time in the morning before I can get going? Actually, a slow start to the day is something I’ve always done. I even find it difficult to train early in the morning and typically prefer something a bit more civilised like coffee/tea and a little reading before officially beginning my day. I think that sounds way more productive than watching YT videos, for sure.

In any case, I decided to process photos instead of doing some writing. Finished off the pictures from the 24th and started on the ones from the 27th. The former date produced some really nice, dramatic Black and White photos which are definitely worth sharing. The latter, not so much. I was experimenting with the Shutter Priority function on the camera, and while the composition is good, the ISO is way too high which means the photos are pretty noisy. This camera is not great with a high ISO setting at night, so I think I’ll retire that function and stick with the Manual setting going forward.

Date.

I was due to get together with The Blonde Girl on Sunday, but she cancelled last minute. Yeast infection, or some such. We didn’t have any firms plans past agreeing to get together in the afternoon. I’ve seen this behaviour before; it’s a lack of interest (on both sides) and I’m going to call it now: between the two of us we’ll allow it to die. I’ll be very surprised if she reaches out to me this week, and I’m not going to make the effort, so I think that will be the end of that.

Time to forgive myself for the faux pas of today and try again tomorrow….

Nikon D3400
1/60 sec
f/3.5
18mm
ISO 800

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Between Thoughts

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Who are you in the silence between your thoughts?

Status: given it’s monday morning, I’m pretty good, actually. Lowered expectations for today, however have been able to complete all of my admin tasks and also unload the images from the weekend photography sessions. I am struggling a little to get moving, but all things being equal I’m not overly lethargic.

Photography.

Great weekend for photography. Had a late evening and night session in Chinatown on Friday. The following day I brought the camera along for my date on Saturday night and had a few opportunities to take photos despite the rain. Then on Sunday I set aside the usual and went to a yoga conference (heh) at the Metro Convention Centre to take photos and browse around. I wasn’t quite sure what I was going to get on Sunday, but given the weather was so bad, it was a good option because I could travel underground the whole way there and I didn’t have to spend a lot of time outside. Told myself that I was just going to give it an hour and if I wasn’t enjoying myself then I’d bail and do something else. But, it was better than expected.

Date.

So, the Saturday night dinner date with The Tardy One was good. Actually, better than good. I really enjoyed her company. Spent almost two hours at Patios, a Chinese-Jamaican restaurant, where we ate more than I thought humanly possible, and then followed that up with a few video games at Tilt, which was close by. Quickly discovered that she had spent a good portion of her youth playing these games and was beyond good, so spent the evening getting my ass handed to me. First in Mortal Kombat where I won one game out of ten, which is not surprising given I’m not very good at the game (or any game for that matter; they’ve never been able to hold my attention for very long), and then at a racing car game which, it turns out, is her forte. Surprisingly, I was able to hold my own for most of the race and then lost the plot at the end. She was impressed enough at my performance that I got two high fives for being just competitive enough to give her run for her money. So, now that I think about it I’ll call it a win.

I think I have a bit more to say about the weekend, but will pick this up tomorrow when I am a bit more ‘With It’.

Nikon D3400
1/500 sec
f/10
18mm
ISO 100

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