While you were sleeping, someone was missing you.
I’ve found that if I don’t get my thoughts and feelings down on paper soon after I experience them then they are lost forever; and if I try to capture them after too much time has passed then they become something else entirely. I’ve basically lost the original experience and am trying to capture those thoughts from memory (Essentially I’ve moved on to other things and have failed to capture that point in time).
I was reminded of that when I read the below post that I started three weeks ago. I had only just travelled back to the island and the change was still fresh and new, and I was missing you terribly.
My intent was to finish it this morning, but the point that I wanted to make with the post is gone, and I’m not the same person that I was three weeks ago (we’ve done and grown so much since then). So, trying to capture that or embellish upon it now will change what is already there, and I wanted to preserve it. Even if it isn’t complete (or perfect) you can get the gist of it, or at the very least see where I was at that point in time and what I was thinking.
I was thinking of you, and us.
I have a lot to say from this past weekend, but wanted to clear this one out before moving onto new journal entries.
This is my second attempt at writing a new post. Tried to pick this up again yesterday, but just got a little bit too upset, so I it set aside and concentrated on the Task List instead.
Part of the process of writing a blog post is selecting a photo from my library which closely reflects the thing I want to write about, and that’s how it started for me yesterday. Looking at the most recent photos I took before selling the camera, which were all taken with you.
And that was hard. Not because they aren’t pleasant memories, they’re far far away from that, but because we now have this distance between us.
The day we spent in High Park, where we just walked and talked for hours, about everything and nothing, is something which is near and dear to my heart. Sharing myself with others is not something which comes easily for me, but with you it’s different. You’ve always been really patient (with me) and given me enough space to express myself when I’m ready. Being with you has never felt fake or forced; it’s just felt like being at home.
It was the day after our date at the drive-in. It was not planned; it was completely spontaneous. It was also when I first started to realise what this was and how I felt about you. Which is why our subsequent conversation later in the week was so difficult for me – I was having a hard time reconciling the two. I also didn’t want to risk
(and this is where I ended it……)