The Fear of Change

20190317-DSC_0059

If she doesn’t scare the hell out of you a little, she’s not the one.

Status: good. better than good. happier than I’ve been in a very long time.

Anxiety levels: high. In less than a week my life will change. It’s the unknown which I fear the most. Will it be as good as the life that I have now?

On the subject of change, this blog will also change. It has to. Life circumstances dictate. Because that’s life. Forever changing, never permanent. Up until now I was writing this for me, and only me. What started out as a tool for learning how to write, learning how to inculcate the process into my life, has morphed into something which is a bit more cathartic; a way to organise and process my unvarnished thoughts.

And then I shared this with someone I know.

I regret doing that, however it did highlight a few things for me. My internal dialogue, as represented on these blog posts, is much more acerbic than I realised. And, I’m not actually processing my thoughts, I’m just doing a brain dump into a blog post. It’s helpful, but it would have been more helpful if I actually thought about what I was feeling and experiencing before recording it. I mean, I kinda sorta knew that was the case (and didn’t want to admit it to myself), but I didn’t fully realise it until I could see it through her eyes.

How does that quote read?

“If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend?”

So, it’s time to change that, which is quite timely given all of the other things which are changing in my life. And I think I can start that here. Rather than continue with the acerbic internal dialogue capture, which has reached the end of its useful life, I’m going to write these posts for just one person. I’m going to write these posts TO just one person.

I’m going to write these letters to you.

I’ll continue to be honest, but the tone of the posts will change. You’ve given me something which is quite precious and I intend to take good care of it. I promise.

The frequency of these posts is going to change as well. The career move dictates. But, my goal is to post at least three times a week, more if time allows.

The photo capture and accompanying caption is a metaphor for the upcoming changes, but you were right in your text message yesterday. The original post on IG was about you, was about us, and even though it scares me a little I think it’s worth the risk. I think you’re worth the risk……..

Nikon D3400
1/30 sec
f/4.8
38mm
ISO 100

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