I have another post in progress, but am stuck because I still don’t know what I need from this (relationship). I’ve never really asked myself that question, so am a bit lost on how to answer it. All I know right now is that I’d prefer to avoid making past mistakes, and maybe being aware of those mistakes is all I need right now.
So, while I’m trying to figure it out I’m going to take a break from that, a break from this, and start focusing on the things which feed my soul. Like writing.
Not exactly this kind of writing.
This is meant to be a warm up exercise and a way to get into the habit of writing, so I can work on the actual stories. Still, placing my thoughts down on paper is cathartic, even if it is only meant to be a warm up exercise. Just the act of thinking through events and associated feelings and then articulating them on this blog has reduced my anxiety levels considerably. So, I’ll focus on this kind of writing for now and see how this plays out.
I mean both of us are just adventurous (crazy) enough that maybe we’ll have enough interesting stories to tell and this will turn into the thing that I was supposed to write. The Snake Cabin dock story comes to mind (which is totally going to happen – I want to give this to you, so the Little Man is just going to have to get on board with that).
In any case.
Let’s try an old format.
Status: good. I had a full night’s sleep on Wednesday night for the first time in, oh, 3 weeks? Certainly before I started working. And it felt good. I really needed it. In fact, I’ve been feeling good for the whole (or most) of my first three weeks on the island. I was really dreading being here and expected the move and new environment to push me into depression, but it didn’t. Thanks to you.
Anxiety Levels: surprisingly low. I expected them to be quite high given the move and new job, but that hasn’t been the case. I’ve also been so busy that I’ve stopped meditating, which is something that had a profoundly positive impact on my anxiety levels and yet, I’m okay. Still, this is something else which I’d like to inculcate back into my life.
Almost three weeks in and I wish I was anywhere but here. My boss keeps hinting at me not sticking around, and maybe he’s right. I was going to give this five years (I mean five years in Finance which might mean staying here for that long), but now I’m not so sure. All I want to do is quit, leave the island, shut out everything and bury my head in the writing. (Part of me wishes that I focused solely on it when I was off work and that I had pushed everything else aside.) In any case, that’s not a practical choice nor is it healthy to single mindedly focus on one thing. I’ve gone down that road before and it led to burnout. Balance is better. That should be the next priority, finding balance in all of the things I have/want to do.
Looked at a few properties on Tuesday and found one I really liked. Good location, bigger than the existing place with a good view and lots of natural light. I want to pull the trigger on this one, but suspect that I haven’t been with my current employer long enough for a bridge loan (between the sale of one to purchase another). The plan is to sell one place to fund the new one, but I’m now thinking that I may just keep it and rent it out. I mean, the numbers work, so it is doable. The only wrinkle which I haven’t fully considered is the potential purchase of a place in TO; I’m not sure I can do both (or better yet, I’d prefer not to do both because that will make my asset base too property heavy and therefore I’m taking on more risk than I want to). I need to mull this over a bit more – I want to see how our relationship continues to develop.
There’s more, but I think it’s best if I stop here for today…..