But I have infinite tenderness for you. I always will.
Status: good. I’m at that part of the week where hangovers are a distant memory and things are starting to normalise. Anxiety is building. Forced out of the unit and am sitting in a coffee shop attempting to write, which is the worst place to do that. There’s too much going on around me, not to mention the noise, so I can’t get into the flow. It’s a much better place for photo editing.
In any case, let’s make an attempt at it.
Time is growing short and I’m encroaching on the spot in the schedule where I should be disposing of the photography equipment in anticipation of travelling. I really don’t want to take this stuff back with me. Toying with the idea of leveraging either M or G to hold onto or dispose of it if I end up cutting it too close to the travel date. Appreciate that this is not optimal, but something to consider as we get closer. I still have a few items on my shot list and I’d like to take advantage of the last remaining moments to shoot the city. I won’t be picking up the new gear until later in the year, perhaps the end of summer, so will be without the means to shoot for a few months.
Good, not great. G gave me some feedback on the Weaver story, and I basically learned two things. Providing an overview of the story and letting the reader know what was intended before getting their feedback is not the best way to go. I did that with G and it prevented her from being objective. I need to see the story through her eyes, and not through the lens of what I intended. The second thing is this: it’s not as bad as I though it was. She really liked it, especially the dialogue, and picked up on the intended personality traits without my prompting. So, that’s promising. Now I just need the courage to tackle the feedback from the editor and finish what I started. It’s time to put this to rest.
Haven’t shot in about ten days, but have been spending all of that time editing. G tells me that my photos are better than I think. There’s room for improvement and I’m not yet where I want to be, but I’ll take the compliment. Another local photographer reached out to me recently on IG wanting to join me for a session. Seemed to really like my stuff. Happy that I’m getting the positive feedback, but need to keep pushing so that I can continue to improve.
Meeting M this evening for dinner and drinks, and then tomorrow I’ll be hanging out with G at a pop-up market or some such. I’m going to try not to turn this evening into a drunken orgy like the last two dates with M – she’s all too willing a participant for debaucherous evenings, unlike G who doesn’t drink. Added to the meeting with M are the STI test results which came back negative for both of us. Seems that the little drama which the previous boyfriend created is over for me, but probably not for her.
I’m also mildly confused about the timeline and why M feels the need to stay in contact. I mean: it ended in March, she was tested on March 31st and everything was clear (she showed me the test results), we were together the first week of April, ex-boyfriend popped back up a few days later with news about a Chlamydia infection, we both got tested (this is now twice for her), we’re both clean. That should be the end of it, no? From the ex’s perspective, his obligation ended with advising M of the STI. Post that I don’t see the need for any further correspondence. Apparently, the ex was chasing M all weekend for the test results, acting like a crazy person, but this seems like a redundant step to me. Whether M had it or not, the ex still had to get treatment. So, chasing M for the test results is irrelevant, it doesn’t change the outcome. Perhaps I’m missing a piece of information?
Whatever it is, I’m not going to press the issue with M because then it’ll make me look insecure and perhaps a little needy. If I start with the 20 questions then she’ll get the impression that I don’t trust her. Probably rightfully so, although she has been pretty upfront so far (given the timeline she didn’t really need to tell me about the drama cooked up by the ex – she was clean and couldn’t pass along anything to me).
I think it’s best just to note the way that she handles drama and a break up, because I may find myself on the opposite end of that at some point in the future. I’d prefer to be with someone who can handle it in a mature way.