It hurts when you have someone in your heart, but you can’t have them in your arms.
Status: kinda hungover, actually. due to the date last night and all. can’t feel the cold, so I’m sure I’m feeling better despite the hangover. I’m actually in reasonable shape, all things considered. I drank about as much as I did on Sunday night, but the consequences weren’t as severe for some reason. Could have been the food, or the fact I didn’t mix drinks like I did on Sunday, but whatever it was, I feel somewhat human today.
So, let’s just get right into it:
I think I’m in trouble.
Not sure exactly what is going on with M, her background is fairly normal from what I can see, but it is dovetailing with my dysfunction perfectly. I woke up this morning after our date last night and immediately thought, “oh wait, really?”; three dates and I’m feeling the pull. The need to start intensely feeding the relationship with everything it needs, and more.
That scares me a little.
I’ve seen this before, I’ve done this before, and nothing good will come from it. I’ll just end up overwhelming her with kindness; doing my best to take of her needs, placing them as a priority over mine, which will make me look needy and maybe even clingy as I feed the relationship, and feed it and feed it and feed it…….because that’s how I show affection.
I think I have a few choices here: cut and run, or step back and be patient. I think being patient is the right call here; whenever I feel the pull to intensely focus on the relationship I’ll direct the energy towards one of my creative projects instead. Lord knows the writing could use it.
I still have a bunch of photos to edit, which I’ll focus on this afternoon. This week has been a bit of a write-off. Between the Monday and Friday hangovers, and the cold which pushed me out of my normal routine, I wasn’t as productive as I could have been. I’m not going to beat myself up over it though; I was still able to post photos to IG almost every day this week, and I received good feedback, so I’ll call that Good Enough.
Ok, let’s get on with it…..