Happy Valentine’s Day.
Status: good. I’m actually not a sucker for the way businesses have commoditized the day (it’s not a holiday) in order to sell you stuff. I also don’t have a problem with it because some people like celebrating the day, it keeps the economic wheels turning by promoting the circulation of M1 and I can choose to either opt in or out. Yay Freedom!
The wheels came off the bus yesterday. I’m entertaining the idea that all writers grapple with this – I mean, I’ve had unproductive days in Finance as well – but, I’m also flirting with the idea in order to avoid feeling lazy and like I failed.
I’ll be honest, I let the story intimidate me and I procrastinated as a result. I think the best thing to do is forgive myself for the faux pas, the lack of self-awareness (which is what the meditation is supposed to be promoting with mindfulness), learn the lesson and try again. So, I got up this morning and went through the “going to the office” ritual in order to get my head in the right space.
Is it working? I don’t fucking know. All I know is that I have a burning desire to open up YouTube and watch a clip of a hamster licking his balls, or some other such foolishness. I mean there has to be some value in bearing witness to that act, right? (Don’t lie to yourself, dude, stay focussed and just get on with it.)
Call with network contact this afternoon at 1pm. An exploratory call. I’m not really expecting this to go anywhere, but making the connection and having that conversation is worth the effort. They’ve managed my expectations up front about potential roadblocks, so thanks for that.
The offer. Deep down I knew I was going to get this response. They’re viewing everything as final and the pre-employment screening was incidental to the process. Then they began pressuring me to start early. Unexpected. Bottom line: I’m employing delaying tactics because I really don’t want to do this. I’ve got to be honest with myself about that. It’s also true that this is the most practical choice – it’s a good idea to have the security and revenue the job provides while I continue to cultivate other sources of income. I’m protecting my downside, which is a wise choice in this instance.
I think I need to employ one of the lessons I’ve gotten from the meditation book, which is to lean into it. This is the best option with the least amount of downside/risk. It’s best to embrace the change, I’ll suffer less.