Lost AF


Status: good, but completely lost. Spent the morning preparing the unit for the workman to be onsite replacing pipes and such, which disrupted my routine and banished me to the Library for ongoing struggles with writing – I mean, pretending to write.

Couldn’t settle down enough to make a start, so I focused on processing the photos in Lightroom which I took of the winter storm over the weekend. I think I have some keepers there, others…..not so much.

Stopped for lunch and am now back at the Library where it is more of the same shit. Drifting, no writing, beating myself up, relentlessly checking the dating app, finally starting a journal entry (which I don’t consider writing) and then realising that it is mid-afternoon which means I’ll be heading off to the gym soon. What’s that voice in the back of my mind saying? It’s too late in the day to start something now, so I should just give up and try again tomorrow?

Fuh fuck’s sake.

I wonder if other people have the same problem. I’m trying to decide if it’s a fear thing, a discipline issue or I’m just plain lazy. Or maybe I just don’t have enough agency for this type of life/work and I’m best suited to a drone-like existence working for The Man in one of these corporate monoliths.

Suspect it’s the latter. I’ve been housebroken. This old dog is struggling to learn some new tricks.

Speaking of which. I’ve supplied my references to the Insurance company and we’ve set a tentative start date for early May. I am dragging my feet, for sure, trying to delay the start date so I have a little bit more time before I find myself back in that corporate 9-5 life. This behaviour speaks volumes about my enthusiasm for this move, but it is a good opportunity and it does pay well and it will perhaps give me a little bit of structure and direction while I figure the rest of this out. (I mean, it will force structure and direction on me. That’s a better way of putting it)

In better news, I have a tentative offer for my unit with a start date of February 1st. I’ve lost a month’s rent (actually two because of the realtor’s finder’s fee), but that’s out of my control and it could have sat empty for longer than one month, so I’m grateful that the realtor was able to find someone to take the place. In even better news, it looks like this new tenant (a couple) want a one year lease and due to their job status may stay in the unit longer than that. It’ll be nice to have a stable long term tenant after a year of multiple tenant turnover.

There is a silver lining…………



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