Signs You Or Your Partner Is Emotionally Immature

Reblogged from Yangki Christine Akiteng’s blog: http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/emotional-maturity-could-it-be-the-attractive-quality-missing-in-you/

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Emotional maturity is not something most of us look for in a partner. For many of us it’s not even a priority in the qualities we look for. We kind of take it for granted that if you’re attracted to someone then everything will fall into place.

If the relationship is casual and not expected to grow into something long term then emotional maturity or lack of it doesn’t really matter especially if you don’t spend much time together, meet up just for a “good time” and/or are dating several people at the same time.

But if you are looking for something long term, emotional maturity profoundly influences your ability to sustain a relationship.

Differences in the level of emotional maturity or lack of may not be obvious in the early stages of a relationship when everything is wonderful – no obvious differences that cause problems and no serious arguments. You’re at your best and your new man or woman idealizes you and you idealize him or her. But like all good things, this “honeymoon” phase of the relationship which can be anywhere from days to weeks or even a couple of months inevitably ends – as it should. And if you or the other person is emotionally immature, it begins to show in the way you:

  1. Deal with your emotions

People who are emotionally mature are more able to put feelings into perspective before automatically verbalizing or acting them out. They also take responsibility for their every action, word and thought – and the resulting consequences. The ability to self-regulate helps them handle different situations in a better way and cope with difficult times, conflict and frustration in a smarter way.

Those who are emotionally immature on the other hand get tripped up by their own emotions and feelings. They either fall apart (drama, drama, drama), numb out (ignore their emotions and live in a kind of zombie land pretending that they feel nothing) or distract themselves with obsessive behaviours all the while blaming others, society and the universe for their problems or disappointments.

  1. Deal with the emotions of others

People who are emotionally mature understand that the world does not revolve around them. When faced with an emotionally-loaded situation they focus on trying to understand and relate to the other person’s emotions and feelings and the reasons behind them. This helps them better identify the other person’s needs and wants, better solve problems in relationships, connect better and maintain good relationships over time.

Those who are emotionally immature when faced with a similar emotionally-loaded situation become all self-absorbed and entitled. They’ll try to force a resolution by putting a lot of unhealthy pressure on the other person and often become emotionally manipulative, exploitative and even abusive. These behaviours cause the other person to even pull away further making it harder to create and/or maintain a relationship – even a bad one.

So if you’re with someone who you know is into you (forget about that one who just isn’t into you), can’t keep his or her hands off you when you’re together and tells you how much he or she is attracted to you or “in love with you” but will not bother to call or arrange for a date because he or she is avoiding spending “quality” time with you, it might just be that working on your own emotional maturity and learning to communicate your feelings, needs and wants better may be the only thing that’ll save your relationship.

Nobody is comfortable with emotional immaturity – not even emotionally immature men and women. In a relationship where both people are emotionally immature, the emotional immaturity which keeps them together is often times also what they both instinctively resent in the other.

Emotional maturity is even more important with age. Being with someone who looks physically mature but acts emotionally immature is downright frustrating.

 

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A 24-Hour Guide to More Muscle and Energy

Reblogged from Nate Green’s blog here: http://www.scrawnytobrawny.com/bigger

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“Give me a one-page bullet-list of exactly what I should do. That’s worth more to me than a stack of books that I have to dig through to get to the good stuff. I may give you 50 bucks for the books. But I’ll pay you $5,000 for the one page.”

That’s a quote from Alwyn Cosgrove, a world-famous strength coach and entrepreneur. When he told me this a couple years ago, I remember thinking he was crazy. More money for less stuff? That’s stupid.

But now I see just how smart his statement is: Information is only as good as the action you take after reading it. 

If you want to get something done, it’s usually more effective to skim the book (or article or blog post), write down what you need to do, and start. In most cases, the one-page cheat sheet is more valuable than the book.

So that’s what we’re gonna do here. Consider this post your “how to build muscle and have more energy” cheat sheet. It’s simple, quick, and incredibly effective.

We know it’s effective because twice a year we open our S2B Coaching Program, and help hundreds of guys build muscular, athletic bodies. Over the course of the year-long program, their day ends up looking something like what we have here.

What to do in the Morning

Get your ass out of bed

Hitting the snooze alarm is a sign you aren’t getting enough sleep. But we’ll take care of that problem in a bit.

Right now, get out of bed when your alarm goes off. A new day is here. Do something with it before it dies.

Drink 20oz of water

Your muscles need water to grow. Your body needs water to live. Right now, you’re dehydrated. Before you get in the shower or do anything else, drink 20 oz of cold water.

You’ll have more energy immediately.

Drink a Super Shake

If you’re a skinny guy who wants to put on weight, you need food and you need it fast. If you know you’re not gonna cook breakfast, you need to make a protein-rich Super Shake instead.

Got a blender and 3 minutes? Good. Here’s your recipe:

  • 1 cup unsweetened almond milk
  • 1 frozen banana (peel it the night      before and stick it in the freezer)
  • 1 handful fresh baby spinach (get the      pre-washed stuff at the grocery store)
  • 2 scoops chocolate protein powder
  • 1 huge spoonful of almond or peanut      butter

Blend on high. Drink.

Take your vitamins and fish oil

Even if you’re eating healthy whole foods, you can still have small deficiencies of certain vitamins and minerals, deficiencies that can slow your metabolism and impair your ability to build muscle. A multivitamin can help fix that.

Also, take 5 grams (1 teaspoon) of liquid fish oil. It’s full of omega-3′s which help improve mood and motivation. (We prefer liquid, but you can also use fish-oil caps.)

Have a little caffeine

A cup or two of black coffee or green tea can help increase athletic and mental performance.

Don’t like caffeine? No problem. Skip this step and make yourself some herbal tea or have another glass of water.

What to do at work/school

Drink 20oz of water

Get used to it right now, because drinking water is gonna be a recurring theme throughout your day. Invest in a slick reusable water bottle and keep it wherever you spend the most time throughout your day. (But please don’t carry around a two-gallon milk jug of water. That’s just looks ridiculous.)

Have a Muscle Snack

The rules: protein, fat, veggies.

Food ideas: hardboiled eggs, salami, beef jerky, tuna salad, mixed nuts, peanut butter, protein powder, baby carrots, sliced bell pepper, grape tomatoes, celery, berries, apple.

No bullshit energy bars or any kind of granola, as they’re usually loaded with sugar and unpronounceable ingredients

What to do at lunch

Eat a Muscle Lunch

Your normal sandwich and chips isn’t gonna cut it.

In S2B we hate measuring food and counting calories. Instead, we like to use hand measurements to determine how much food to eat. (Why? Well, you may not have a food scale, but you probably have a hand. We hope.)

So take a look the palm of your hand. Act like you’re cupping some water that you don’t want to run through your fingers. To build muscle, you need at least 2 palms of protein (chicken, fish, beef, etc).

Now make a fist. You need 2 fists of vegetables and 1 fist of starchy carbohydrates like sweet potato, qunioa, or pasta.

Still a little confused? Check out the photo below for one of our recent Muscle Lunch meals. Make your meal look like that. Then eat it.

(Lunch tip from Nate: I almost never make my own lunch. I’ve tried before, but it’s just too time-consuming in the middle of the day. That’s why I usually have a few pre-made meals from Whole Foods ready to go.)

Read something

Yeah, this doesn’t really have anything to do with building muscle, but if you’re eating by yourself, you gotta have some reading material. And if you’re eating lunch with friends, put down your phone (or book) and have a conversation. No texting or Facebook stalking. Enjoy your meal.

Drink 20oz of water

Yes, again.

What to do in the afternoon

Have another muscle snack

Stick with the above rules or try our Easy Protein Pudding.

  • 1 and 1/2 cups of Greek yogurt
  • 1 scoop vanilla protein powder
  • 1 handful of raw mixed nuts
  • 2 squares of 70% or higher dark      chocolate

Stir the hell out of it with a spoon and eat.

Drink 20oz of water

You knew it was coming.

Plan your next day

This is another thing that doesn’t really have anything to do with building muscle. But it will help you be more productive and successful.

  1. Write down all the important stuff you      need to do tomorrow. Work stuff, personal stuff, everything.
  2. Set a specific time      to actually do it.

It may seem like a small, inconsequential step, but it’s incredibly powerful. Now that all your tasks and plans are out of your head and on paper with a corresponding time, you no longer have to stress out about them. It’s taken care of. Move on with your day.

What do to in the Evening

De-stress for 20 minutes

Most guys know how to go full-steam but have no idea how to chill out and calm down. Their bodies are in a constant “fight or flight” mode, their nervous system working on overdrive.

In S2B, we have our clients pick one calming task — meditate, nap, read, go for a walk, stretch, listen to relaxing music, sit in a room and do nothing — and do it every day for at least 20 minutes.

This gives their sympathetic (fight or flight) nervous system a break and allows their parasympathetic (rest and digest) nervous system to take over.

The rules: no phones, computers, or outside distractions for at least 20 minutes.

Eat a Muscle Dinner

Same rules as the Muscle Lunch.

  • 2 palms of protein
  • 2 fists of vegetables
  • 1 fist of starchy carbohydrates

Pick different foods and maybe throw in some fruit on the side.

Drink 20oz of water

You know the drill.

Be social

Surround yourself with cool, positive people.  Remember: You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. So don’t hang out with assholes.

Have sex

I mean, why not?

Follow your sleep ritual

You have a sleep ritual, right? No? Here, follow ours:

  1. No caffeine after 2PM.
  2. Turn off your TV and computer an hour      before bed.
  3. Make yourself some decaf tea, listen to      soft music, and read something light.
  4. Turn off all phones and gadgets and put      them in another room.
  5. Set your bedroom temperature to 67-70F      [19-21C.] (Ever try to sleep while sweaty? It sucks.)
  6. Take an Epsom salts bath before bed.      (The magnesium will help you sleep.)
  7. Have a small pre-bed meal. (Try cottage      cheese mixed with chopped apple, and a spoonful of peanut butter.)

Sleep for 7 hours

Getting at least 7 hours of sleep will help your body recover from your workouts, rejuvenate your brain, and improve your life.

Getting less than 7 hours can slow muscle growth and reduce brain power.

Repeat every day

Because this stuff won’t work if you just do it every now and then.

 

What about the workout program?

We left out exercise on purpose. Why?

When you’re trying to build muscle, working out isn’t as important as you may have been led to believe. 

I mean, yeah, you have to do something in the gym a few days per week. You have to stimulate your muscle fibers and give them a reason to grow and get stronger.

But if you’re more focused on what to do for the one hour you’re in the gym instead of what to do for the other 23 hours of the day, you’re simply not going to build the kind of body you want. Trust us, we’ve been there.

In the S2B Coaching Program, our guys follow our progressive workout program designed specifically for building muscle fast. But the workout program is only a small part of how we help them build a badass body.

Remember: It’s what you do outside of the gym that matters.

Of course, we can’t leave you hanging. So as long as you’re following the below rules when you work out, you’ll be good to go:

  • Train 3-4 times per week.
  • Use compound exercises.
  • Go as heavy as you can with good form.
  • Drink a post-workout shake of      fast-acting carbohydrates and protein.

 

If You Completely Ignored Your Goals and Focused on This One Thing Would You Get Better Results?

Reblogged from James Clear’s blog here: http://jamesclear.com/goals-systems

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We all have things that we want to achieve in our lives — getting into the better shape, building a successful business, raising a wonderful family, writing a best-selling book, winning a championship, and so on.

And for most of us, the path to those things starts by setting a specific and actionable goal. At least, this is how I approached my life until recently. I would set goals for classes I took, for weights that I wanted to lift in the gym, and for clients I wanted in my business.

What I’m starting to realize, however, is that when it comes to actually getting things done and making progress in the areas that are important to you, there is a much better way to do things.

It all comes down to the difference between goals and systems.

Let me explain.

The Difference Between Goals and Systems

What’s the difference between goals and systems?

  • If you’re a coach, your goal is to win a championship. Your system is what your team does at practice each day.
  • If you’re a writer, your goal is to write a book. Your system is the writing schedule that you follow each week.
  • If you’re a runner, your goal is to run a marathon. Your system is your training schedule for the month.
  • If you’re an entrepreneur, your goal is to build a million dollar business. Your system is your sales and marketing process.

Now for the really interesting question:

If you completely ignored your goals and focused only on your system, would you still get results?

For example, if you were a basketball coach and you ignored your goal to win a championship and focused only on what your team does at practice each day, would you still get results?

I think you would.

As an example, I just added up the total word count for the articles I’ve written this year. (You can see them all here.) In the last 12 months, I’ve written over 115,000 words. The typical book is about 50,000 to 60,000 words, so I have basically written two books this year.

There were plenty of side effects too. I now have 100,000 people reading JamesClear.com each month. I was featured in articles on Forbes, Inc, and US News. And I have built relationships with all sorts of wonderful people who found me through my work.

All of this is such a surprise because I never set a goal for my writing. I didn’t measure my progress in relation to some benchmark. I never set a word count goal for any particular article. I never said, “I want to write two books this year.”

What I did focus on was writing one article every Monday and Thursday. And after sticking to that schedule for 11 months, the result was 115,000 words. I focused on my system and the process of doing the work. In the end, I enjoyed the same (or perhaps better) results.

Let’s talk about three more reasons why you should focus on systems instead of goals.

1. Goals reduce your current happiness.

When you’re working toward a goal, you are essentially saying, “I’m not good enough yet, but I will be when I reach my goal.”

The problem with this mindset is that you’re teaching yourself to always put happiness and success off until the next milestone is achieved. “Once I reach my goal, then I’ll be happy. Once I achieve my goal, then I’ll be successful.”

SOLUTION: Commit to a process, not a goal.

Choosing a goal puts a huge burden on your shoulders. Can you imagine if I had made it my goal to write two books this year? Just writing that sentence stresses me out.

But we do this to ourselves all the time. We place unnecessary stress on ourselves to lose weight or to succeed in business or to write a best-selling novel. Instead, you can keep things simple and reduce stress by focusing on the daily process and sticking to your schedule, rather than worrying about the big, life-changing goals.

When you focus on the practice instead of the performance, you can enjoy the present moment and improve at the same time.

2. Goals are strangely at odds with long-term progress.

You might think your goal will keep you motivated over the long-term, but that’s not always true.

Consider someone training for a half-marathon. Many people will work hard for months, but as soon as they finish the race, they stop training. Their goal was to finish the half-marathon and now that they have completed it, that goal is no longer there to motivate them. When all of your hard work is focused on a particular goal, what is left to push you forward after you achieve it?

This can create a type of “yo-yo effect” where people go back and forth from working on a goal to not working on one. This type of cycle makes it difficult to build upon your progress for the long-term.

SOLUTION: Release the need for immediate results.

I was training at the gym last week and I was doing my second-to-last set of clean and jerks. When I hit that rep, I felt a small twinge in my leg. It wasn’t painful or an injury, just a sign of fatigue near the end of my workout. For a minute or two, I thought about doing my final set. Then, I reminded myself that I plan to do this for the rest of my life and decided to call it a day.

In a situation like the one above, a goal-based mentality will tell you to finish the workout and reach your goal. After all, if you set a goal and you don’t reach it, then you feel like a failure.

But with a systems-based mentality, I had no trouble moving on. Systems-based thinking is never about hitting a particular number, it’s about sticking to the process and not missing workouts.

Of course, I know that if I never miss a workout, then I will lift bigger weights in the long-run. And that’s why systems are more valuable than goals. Goals are about the short-term result. Systems are about the long-term process. In the end, process always wins.

3. Goals suggest that you can control things that you have no control over.

You can’t predict the future. (I know, shocking.)

But every time we set a goal, we try to do it. We try to plan out where we will be and when we will make it there. We try to predict how quickly we can make progress, even though we have no idea what circumstances or situations will arise along the way.

SOLUTION: Build feedback loops.

Each Friday, I spend 15 minutes filling out a small spreadsheet with the most critical metrics for my business. For example, in one column I calculate the conversion rate (the percentage of website visitors that join my free email newsletter each week). I rarely think about this number, but checking that column each week provides a feedback loop that tells me if I’m doing things right. When that number drops, I know that I need to send high quality traffic to my site.

Feedback loops are important for building good systems because they allow you to keep track of many different pieces without feeling the pressure to predict what is going to happen with everything. Forget about predicting the future and build a system that can signal when you need to make adjustments.

Fall In Love With Systems

None of this is to say that goals are useless. However, I’ve found that goals are good for planning your progress and systems are good for actually making progress.

In fact, I think I’m going to officially declare 2014 the “Year of the Sloth” so that everyone will be forced to slow down and make consistent, methodical progress rather than chasing sexy goals for a few weeks and then flaming out.

Goals can provide direction and even push you forward in the short-term, but eventually a well-designed system will always win. Having a system is what matters. Committing to the process is what makes the difference.

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James Clear writes about using behavior science to master your habits and improve your mental and physical health. If you enjoyed this article, then join his free newsletter.

JZ and Anchoring

Anchoring or focalism is a cognitive bias that describes the common human tendency to rely too heavily on the first piece of information offered (the “anchor”) when making decisions. During decision making, anchoring occurs when individuals use an initial piece of information to make subsequent judgments. Once an anchor is set, other judgments are made by adjusting away from that anchor, and there is a bias toward interpreting other information around the anchor. For example, the initial price offered for a used car sets the standard for the rest of the negotiations, so that prices lower than the initial price seem more reasonable even if they are still higher than what the car is really worth.”

The really tragic thing is that I’ve had this tool at my fingertips since July, and didn’t read up on it and internalise the lesson. My procrastination strikes again. If I had had this tool at my disposal on Friday, I could have avoided this whole mess with JZ. I am placing too much blame at my feet, there are usually two parties involved to create a situation, but I can’t focus on what she may have or may have not done because I then won’t learn the lesson and come away from this poorer but definitely wiser.

I know I shouldn’t have focussed on that first piece of information – the statement, “I don’t want to be in a relationship”, and then used it to dictate the rest of the interaction. The additional information she gave me after that, the why and the how, added context to the first statement and ultimately changed it’s meaning from something negative into something more positive.

 

 

How to Stop Being Needy with Women

Reblogged from Fractionation Seduction

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You may be well aware that men hate women who are needy, but did you know that it works the other way, as well? Well, it’s true. Read on.

For starters, you should know that there is a big difference between paying attention to a woman and hanging over her 24/7. Even if a woman is in a relationship with someone, she gets completely turned off when her significant other becomes clingy. This is because neediness and insecurity go hand-in-hand. Yahoo! published a must-read article (which you can read here) that lists 20 signs that can tell if a man is desperate and needy in relationships. If you think you can relate, think things over as to how you tend to become clingy and needy around your girl. Remember, men who are completely confident in their skin and don’t need constant attention from women tend to look more attractive overall.

So, if you want to truly attract a woman, but are a bit needy, then you have to back off a bit for now and follow these tips instead:

Leave the past in the past.

If you think that you are the only man out there who has ever been rejected by a woman, then think again. The truth is that most men the world over have been rejected by women or have tried to get a girlfriend and failed at least once in their lives. So, if you want things to change for you, then you will have to let the past go and leave it be. If you don’t, then you will never have the chance to score a meaningful relationship that is built on trust in the long run.

This means that you have to stop comparing women with one another from now on because every woman is different and every experience will therefore be different, too. If you keep comparing women to other women that you have known in the past, then you are sure to lose what you have in the present in no time.

Live your own life.

If your entire life revolves around your dating life, then you have to start making some changes. Fill your schedule with other things besides meeting women and focus on your interests for a change. Revive your passions and get busy. Women will love you for it!

Get confident.

Most men have confidence issues every now and then, but if your self-confidence is at the ultimate down-low, then it could affect your dating life in the long run. If this sounds familiar, then you have to start changing the way that you see yourself. To do this, start spending more time with your friends and relatives, and absorb the positive things that they say about you. While doing so, take a mental note of all of the positive skills and traits that they mention for future reference. While everyone has their own strengths, your confidence will come from knowing exactly what yours are – remember that.

Being needy is definitely one of the fastest ways to lose your grip on a woman. So, if you want to keep women by your side, work on yourself and the different qualities that women tend to look for in men first. Confidence is one of these qualities – one that can ensure that you stay happy, get the woman you want, and be satisfied with your dating life for years to come.

 

 

20 Signs a Man is Desperate for a Date or Relationship

Reblogged from Yahoo and written by Nafeesah R. Abdullah, Yahoo Contributor Network

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When you begin dating someone it’s an exciting time in your life, but as time progresses you start to notice things that make you think that the man you’re dating is becoming a bit desperate. This kind of behavior is not only disturbing, but it can become creepy and not only to you, but those around you too. This is often seen with single mothers who get back into the dating scene they could have been divorced for some time and are reintroducing themselves into the dating world and the first guy they settle for dating has some issues with himself that comes off as needy to those who can recognize this kind of behavior. There are a lot of reasons for why men are desperate and needy and part of dating is to get to know someone, but when a single woman is dealing with a man she has no idea what she could be getting herself into and some of the things she may not even catch on to, but those around her could be seeing things that she may not be seeing. A man who is desperate can indicate low-self esteem and a host of other issues and you want to ask yourself do you want to deal with someone who’s got some unresolved issues with himself. A man who’s desperate will display behavior that can actually be a turn off to women and some of it is victim of circumstance or even just unresolved issues that should be best dealt with in counseling. Some of the things that can indicate desperation are seen below:

1. Is moving too fast to take the relationship to the next level-This is a pretty obvious one and it all starts with moving too fast with things like intimacy and sex. A relationship should grow in time and if you’re dating a man who’s moving too fast for your speed this is a red flag that you need to pay attention to before things get too out of control.

2. Spends too much time with you-This is another one that’s prevalent and this is the most cumbersome because when you’re hanging out together and then you continue the evening well into the next day. You have to learn when to call it a night and end the date at an appropriate hour.

3. Does not give you time and spaceThis is where men get their feelings hurt very quickly because they’re not respecting the fact that you have a life of your own outside of them. What is defined as space is not always hanging out and allowing that person to have their own life. Desperate men tend to be a bit on the invasive side when they always want to hang out at your house for hours on end.

4. Always buying gifts (expensive and cheap) constantly-This can become unflattering and even annoying to women because after a while gifts lose their meaning when a man is constantly buying you stuff. Not to say that the thought is nice, but after a while you’re going to get tired of always getting something. Part of getting a surprise is looking forward to it and if you’re always getting something the feelings and the concept begin to lose its meaning and eventually a woman is going to be less thrilled to get something. Gifts also include greeting cards as well.

5. Takes you away from things of importance like your own life or social life with friends-Having a special someone is nice, but when he starts drawing your attention away from things like caring for a loved one or taking care of everyday things or even to the point when you put your responsibilities off on someone else this is not good because that means your neglecting your priorities.

6. In constant agreement with everything you say-This indicates a people pleaser and this is a toxic element because that indicates the man has no backbone and takes things to heart way too much. This is a common issue in someone who’s excessively needy.

7. Makes long term future plans prematurely-Desperate men tend to make that woman the only person in their life and not take the time to date different people and get to know other people other than just one person. When you find a man saying “You’re the only woman for me” before the two month period you have a desperate person on your hand and you may turn around and run for the hills before he’s had a chance to present to you what he means by that.

8. Always eager to please-This is the most annoying trait because what woman is going to want to deal with someone who’s constantly trying to please her and is overly-eager to do whatever you wanted. This is a trait that will get some desperate men used like doormats because it’s a sign of emotional weakness.

9. Is too overly nice and sweet-This can be a turn off to women because that can indicate low-self esteem because you’re going to get weary of the sentimental stuff after a while. There’s nothing wrong with having a soft side, but some women want to know a man has a backbone to stand up for himself meaning he’s got the balls to face certain things.

10. Makes you the center of his life and world in a short period of timeThis is the most disturbing of traits because a man who’s desperate will declare you his when you don’t know if you’re going to continue dating this guy. This can make someone appear really creepy when they tell you that you’re theirs too prematurely you could find yourself back on the market faster than you can say ‘what’s your name?’. This may sound flattering for a single mother who may have been off the dating wagon for some time, but if you look at this trait closely it’s going to sound rather creepy and uncomfortable. Women who

11. Always needing constant encouragement and assurance-This is a trait that can enable men because when a man is constantly needing to hear how great he is that can become tiresome because a man who’s confident will not always need someone stroking his ego and constantly assuring him of things. This is where women make their mistakes in dealing with men because that’s a sign a man has low-self esteem and a poor self-image of himself.

12. Calling, texting, and emailing too much-This is one way you can tell if a guy is needy because if he’s resorted to calling you super early in the morning before you’ve risen for the day or really late at night after you’ve retired for the evening or came home from working late that’s a sign he’s getting too attached too fast. Usually someone will respect your times of when you rise for the day and settle in for the night. This also points to dysfunctional behavior of clinginess because there’s no reason for why a guy should be calling you while you’re still in bed sleeping or when you’re about to retire for the night. People that are secure and confident with themselves will call at appropriate times. Men who are secure with themselves are not always constantly calling you 2 or more times a day. Nothing wrong with checking in, but when it gets past 2 times per day it can border on excessive and can actually be a turn off to a woman because she’s not going to want to talk to the same guy all day long. That’s a sign you need to broaden your social circle with friends.

13. Constantly needing to talk about his problems-This is where it becomes clear that a woman is dealing with a needy man who has some unresolved issues with himself and that she can’t get involved with someone who’s got those kind of issues. If you find yourself sitting on the phone from a reasonable part of the day to really late at night or until way early the next day talking to a man and listening to his problems you’re beginning to sound like his therapist and plus you have your own issues to worry about and don’t need to take on someone else’s problems as well.

14. Acknowledges inappropriate behavior when someone has to talk to him about it-When a man admits to things like not cleaning up after himself and keeping his living arrangements at an acceptable standard and is openly admitting to that kind of behavior that’s a sign a needy man is needing someone take care of him. A man who has his act together will not fall short on things that he knows he needs to do for himself without a woman reminding or telling him these things. If you find yourself having to mention, discuss, suggest, and demand you are trying to change him. You can’t change needy behavior in someone they have to go through trial and error to learn what is and is not appropriate behavior.

15. Pushing to meet family and friends too fast-This is something that also becomes another red flag which is a sign that you’re dealing with someone who’s got a disconnection to his own family and needs to meet everyone around you. He’s got some attachment issues and that’s a serious red flag because someone who’s got attachment issues is someone who is going to be hard to get rid of.

16. He over-compensates himself-This is something women have to pay attention to because if you find that he’s trying to emulate himself more especially someone who’s got low-self esteem you’re dealing with someone who’s extremely needy and will eventually become clingy. Don’t waste your time with someone who overcompensates himself because you’ll have to deal with someone who’s not capable of being secure with himself and needs to push that know-it-all mentality on someone. If you see this in someone run because it will do you no justice to try and waste time rationalizing this kind of nonsense move on to someone who’s secure with himself and has a positive level of self-esteem and self-image.

17. Immature and age-inappropriate behavior-Women are having to frustrate themselves to no end dealing with somene who’s immature for their age and exhibiting age-inappropriate behavior. If the man is NOT acting his age and acting like his shoe size it’s time to make some choices on associating yourself with someone who’s is acting his age and acts like a responsible adult. Hygiene and living habits also tell the level of maturity in someone and if a man admits to not being clean and orderly you’re dealing with someone who’s looking for someone to take care of him. You’re not his mother.

18. Not respecting a woman’s right to space and time for other things-This is where men screw themselves up when they’re constantly needing to hang out and don’t have their own friends and it becomes invasive because she’s having to entertain you until very late at night and not respecting her household’s rising and settling hours. A woman does not always want to hang out with the same person day in and day out this can become bothersome after a while that’s why some women decide its a wrap when she has to constantly deal with someone who’s not respecting her need for space and to have her own life.

19. Overstaying on a visit-When it gets to the point where a man is wanting to visit with a woman longer and she’s got things to do the next day and she’s got to ask you to leave either on her account or when someone in her house has to ask her to ask the guy to leave. When it gets to that point you have a needy guy on your hands.

20. Saying things that is more than what someone wants to hear-We all goof up and say more than we need to say, but when it comes to revealing about one’s personal life some men will in fact say more than what they need to say. There is a time and place to reveal parts of your life, but when a woman is subjected to hearing details about your personal life that isnt really appropriate to be saying or telling people. If a woman finds herself involved with a guy like this she might want to start reconsidering things and deal with someone who is capable of doing things when the time and place is right and appropriate. Some personal details are best kept to yourself.

These are things you need to pay attention to when you’re dating a man because some of these traits are seen a lot in divorced and widowers when they’re not ready to date again. Men that had spouses who’ve passed away have not begun to resolve their grief and the feelings surrounding that and sometimes they begin to have connections to women who remind them of their past spouse. This is not healthy because the attachment is not something that’s considered healthy. When you find that a man is rushing back into dating after the death of a spouse or partner after about 2 years and has not resolved his grief through appropriate counseling and adequate time this can become a problem because you’ll end up as a woman who he’ll unload his stuff on. Women need to recognize when they have to differentiate between being a friend and being some man’s therapist. If you are also finding that you’re listening to a lot of a man’s problems you are selling yourself short.

When you also find a man that’s constantly talking about a past partner or spouse who’s living or deceased it is a sign that he’s not ready to date because someone will have gone through the process of grieving and also adjusting to being on their own for some time without dating. Someone can sound nice all day long, but when you find that a man is constantly talking about his issues and you’re listening too much you begin to sound like his therapist and that can be detrimental. A man who’s desperate actually hurts his chances at dating because he makes himself prone to getting used and mistreated. Women today waste a lot of time dealing with men who are full of issues and other stuff going on and don’t really realize that they’re lowering their standards and taking away time from getting to know someone who’s got their heads together and isn’t on some nonsense that you shouldn’t be wasting your time on. Relationships are great, but what would be nicer is if it’s not full of needy and clingy behavior that’s just downright inappropriate and creepy.

Women today really need to look at some of their own behavior that attracts these types of men and really look at whether you want to waste your time with someone who’s only going to stress you out. Women want to feel special and loved and cared for, but when they are attracting needy and clingy men there’s a problem because that’s a reflection of how you feel about yourself. That’s the key thing that women miss in dating is that sometimes you can also be way too friendly and needy and clingy men latch on to that and that can be detrimental to a man especially one who has unresolved emotional issues and baggage. You have to decide when enough is enough and make some serious changes in your life so you don’t attract those types of men. It’s a hassle to have to deal with someone who can’t have a life of his own and is always having to be around you and not allowing you to be on your own to do your own thing.

Women also have to check some of their own issues as well because if you have traits within yourself that can also set you up to attract men who are clingy and needy and hard to get rid of. Nobody wants to deal with someone who’s got unresolved emotional baggage and that’s a strain in dating and it’s best to cut your losses when you’re dealing with someone who’s got issues that he needs to work out on his own and you listening to his stuff doesnt help him either it only makes you someone he can get dependent on very quickly and that can cause a lot of unwarranted stress. Clingy is not the way to go in dating and for a woman it’s the root of her stress.

 

 

Don Jon – Movie Review

Talk about having your cake and eating it too. For his debut as a writer and director, Joseph Gordon-Levitt pens a script that gives him the opportunity to grope and “bed” a bevy of gorgeous women (capping it off with Scarlett Johansson), and gets the last laugh by putting a fair amount of depth into his study of a very shallow man. “Don Jon” feels a bit like a comedic version of “Shame,” the infamous wow-look-at-Michael-Fassbender’s-penis movie, but in reality the two leads are alike only in that they’re broken men who like to score. Where “Shame” was more of a character study, “Don Jon” is focused on a societal problem.

Jon (Gordon-Levitt) is a buff, handsome, free-living Jerseyite. Each week, he and his two best buds hit the club, and Jon manages to score a “10” every time, earning him the nickname Don Jon. And yet, even after sex with these beautiful women, Jon heads to his laptop to surf for porn. (We don’t know this for a fact, but http://www.pornhub.com may be the first adult web site to strike a product placement deal in a mainstream motion picture.) One night, he sees Barbara (Johannson), and is positively smitten, but still likes his porn. The two soon date, and when she discovers his vice, she’s horrified, even though her fascination with Hollywood romance films (the film within the film has two killer cameos) has given her equally warped notions of love. Enter Esther (Julianne Moore), a fellow night school student in Jon’s class who’s able to give Jon the one thing he truly needs: perspective.

Truth be told, “Don Jon” probably seems better because it was written and directed by someone who wasn’t previously known for writing or directing. The element of surprise works heavily in Gordon-Levitt’s favor here, though that’s not to say the praise is undeserved. We’ve seen other actors try their luck behind the camera, and fail miserably (ahem, Laurence Fishburne, “Once in the Life”), so give credit where credit is due: Joseph Gordon-Levitt has an eye for directing and writes direct, believable dialogue.

He does, however, stack the deck against Johannson’s character in a ridiculous manner, and to her credit, she seems to relish playing the gum-snapping JAP (emphasis on the P) with a pathological drive to call all, and we mean all, the shots in their relationship. It makes sense that Gordon-Levitt would do this – after all, Jon is the protagonist, and the surefire way to redeem him is to make his dream girl even more messed up than he is – but one could argue that he’s taking the path of least resistance by doing so. He does a better job with the rest of the cast, particularly Jon’s family members. Tony Danza gets his best role in decades as Jon’s mouthy, needlessly aggressive father, and positively owns it. Brie Larson plays Jon’s sister, and she’s equally funny for the opposite reason: she’s Silent Bob with a smart phone, and when she speaks, you should listen. Moore was an inspired choice for Esther. Arguably the most wounded character in the movie, Moore masterfully taps into both Esther’s free spirit and her pain.

It would be very easy to point fingers when discussing the objectification of women, and while he does make examples out of a few offenders (namely Carl’s Jr.), Gordon-Levitt is more interested in finding a solution than laying blame. That Jon’s solution turns out to be unconventional adds to the charm of “Don Jon.” Heck, the fact that one can think of a movie about a guy hooked on porn as charming is high praise.

 

7 out of 10